Exhausted

I am severely exhausted these days. I am getting little sleep due to insomnia and when I do finally dose off it's time to get up. I find it easier to fall asleep between 1pm and 5pm but I can't do that and I have no reason to justify why my system is suddenly flipping a switch and acting like belongs on another time zone. It's so frustrating.

Another symptom I cannot get rid of is this incessant hip pain. It started over 4 weeks ago and it gets better then worse without any pattern. It hurts more if I sit too long and then get up but if I am active and moving, the pain is nearly gone. I have tried taking breaks from working out to see if it improves but it does not and my lower back has started to suffer because I find myself compensating for the hip pain by trying to put my weight on my left leg to get up. My left knee is also starting to ache. I hope I don't have rheumatoid arthritis. My sister has it and it sounds very painful. I just don't want to go to the doctor. I know they'll suggest an MRI and I cannot afford to the deductible for an MRI. The last time I had one I had to use a payment plan to pay off $500 dollars for the MRI.

Archives

I was just visiting a new blog I found via Tumblr. I have a site there to post things I come across on the internet; mostly images. The blog is called Ellephanta, not mine - the one I found. I was noticing how the writer of this blog talked about how people use archives to understand a current post, posts referred to in the current post and often times to connect one post topic and the events that led to it.

I purposely removed the archives for my blog. I wanted people to meander around by clicking on the tags and stumble upon older blogs and try to piece me together. Like an actual jigsaw puzzle without having the box to look at. It's more fun that way. I sometimes wish they would sell jigsaw puzzles in plain cardboard boxes with a big question mark on the box so you'd have to build it to find out what landscape, animal or cityscape you'd end up with. Kind of like all the parts that make up each person into their own version of a landscape, cityscape or ummm... animal LOL, no just kidding... I mean some people are animals but I would rather consider people landscapes or cityscapes. Some people are more like mountains, bridges, buildings, sidewalks or cracks in the sidewalks LOL But at any rate, piecing people together from their blogs is sometimes the enjoyable part. Them coming right out and telling you everything from birth forward like a neat little time-line sometimes kills all the fun in the mystery of them. So be mysterious - for my sake ;)

Poetry

I wrote a very therapeutic but very painful poem last night. I don't share my work online because I am afraid someone will steal it but it was regarding a conversation I had with my mom and something she said that I did not know. At any rate I was going through my Writer's Book of Days exercise book and it said to write about something you weren't supposed to know so I wrote a poem about it. I will share a couple of lines here:

I had nothing to throw

But a glance, a sneer, a hot ember

Blown cool in my eye

Against her ... that soul blameless

Sometimes my writing takes me places I don't want to explore any further and sometimes it's a catharsis, and it a cross to bear in so many ways. I feel I can't say it all without exposing my weaknesses.

Monday Madness

Today was so stressful. I am so agitated by some work related stuff I could not figure out but I guess tomorrow is a new day.

I ran 2.32 miles today at a 10:39 min/per mile pace. Slow but getting there. I did not feel as tired getting to the 2 mile mark as usual. I probably could have gone on to 3 miles but I had to meet my ex to give him a bottle that my son uses for his snack drink. Yup. The little aspie loves his routine. He hated all the other bottles his dad tried to use. Everything has to be the same or it does not taste right, look right, feel right, smell right or any other right. Sigh.

I found two great blogs tonight and many others but for now here is some linky goodness:

Diary of a Student Artist and Other tales - great site design

&

Drawn to the Mirror - great portrait art.

This is some of my pencil work from high school. That was a long time ago but I think I did a great job. I have more stuff but I will show case it later. I have been inspired by these bloggers to focus my attention back to my art.