Exercise

I did a boot camp session work out with a friend today. We are signing up to join the next 4 week block. Yay! I am excited and scared. It was tough as hell but it felt good. I have been working out a lot again but doing this workout session is so much more intense than your average gym session. It really works you over.

This week has been so busy but yet so non-exciting except for today.

I am going shopping for some new tops tomorrow and tossing some old ones that have ripping seams and fading. Need to update my look. I can't wait.

Commitment

I am going to really make a commitment to lose the remaining weight I want to lose this year before I get any closer to the big 4-0! I hate getting old. It sad to feel less energetic and less youthful. I am not terrible afraid of wrinkles really but the grey hair really bugs me. Ugh! I don't want to look saggy gack!

Anyways - speaking of commitment. I realize I like living alone and the thought of meeting someone I could fall in love with seems great until I meet someone, then I push them away and avoid them like crazy ... I end up liking the ones that have less time for me the most and I think it's actually what I want. Another independent person that is not really looking to move in with me that still has their own thing to do and enjoys my company without too much pressure.

I did meet someone else, Pam! so I am blogging. This guy followed me around at the grocery store but not in a stalker kind of way - he walked briskly to pass me then looked back and smiled at me then when I turned an aisle behind the aisle he went down he came back and followed me and asked my name and number. He's been calling me since and I just now returned his call today. We met Thursday. He's not really that cute but he seems nice except for calling me everyday since Friday - so I finally returned his call today. He tried calling me while I was leaving him a voicemessage and in his voicemessage to me he said he was just done showering and that he was headed to church to call him later.

The problem is it's another 27 year old. I am 38. (why do I keep attracting younger men suddenly - when I was 17 I attracted 40 year olds now I am the perv) I want to meet a man my age or older but then again if I am not really wanting total commitment maybe younger guys are better - you know the whole maturity thing etc. However, I am so done having kids. I don't want more and nothing will change my mind about having more - not even falling in love. Some might say yea yea you say that now but wait til you can't see straight through eyes of love and you will soon be 8 months ripe. NO!!! I don't want that. With an autistic child I don't have the luxury of having more because I want to commit my time and energy on him and that is the other half of why relationships seem unattainable for me at all. I can't have it my way completely because if I meet someone without kids they may eventually want some of their own or if I meet someone with kids I have to accept them as part of the whole package but deep down inside I don't think I could do that - I think I only have room for my son in my heart (aside from nieces and nephews of course). I don't know - life's dramas keep me awake at night sometimes. Sigh...

Burning

I am burning some CDs for my mom. I am also preparing to send back a CD my parents let me borrow. It's a Salsa CD ... love the music. I copied onto my iTunes so I can import to my iPod and now I am sending them copies of some of the CDs I have they might like. Mostly more Salsa and this other soft classical CD.

It's been since January that they let me borrow this CD so I need to get it back to them. I am probably going to mail it priority mail so it gets to them faster.

I am sure they miss their music. :)

I can't decide between going for some coffee and going to Target or just getting popcorn and a diet coke at Target. I really feel like I need some caffeine but I should cut back on it. I love diet coke and mochas.

I need to get back on my work out regime. I am feeling so out of shape but since I have been sick I just feel like sleeping. I am feeling better today so I may be at the gym later today sweating the rest of this cold out. :)

Allergies?

Not sure if I am suffering from allergies but I have itchy watery eyes and keep sneezing. It does not quite feel like a cold though. I have been this way since Monday. I am tired of my make up rubbing off of my left eye and not my right eye. I look crazy mid-way through the day with liner and mascara on one eye and not the other.

My son also had early release day today so I left work earlier because I was sick and so I could get some rest before picking him up. He's being super good though and letting me just chill. He's watching some cartoon - he likes these robot cartoons with these dramatic plots. I get bored with them as soon as they come on. I don't get how they can captivate kids so much. Must be some sort of subliminal message in there - they must hear "you get free toys" played as a mantra as they watch it so they stay glued to the TV.

I want to feel better - so we can go do something but my brain wants me to shut down and my soul wants to go out and explore. There is not enough time to be sick in this world; come on ... body cooperate and just get better already.

Saturday

I got up slightly early. I did my leg toning home routine as I could not get to the gym today since my son is home. It's not impossible to workout when he is home but it is difficult to go to public places to workout with him because children are not allowed at most gyms including the one at work I use.

I did get him his own running shoes and hope to drag him out to run with me later as it is a really nice sunny (but cool) day. He got up super late and now he is barely showering and it is 1PM. I swear - he is more and more like his dad each year. He even loves car races and car junk - grrrr! That is so annoying!

At any rate at least he's moving now. I am having to really take serious structure action with him because he won't do stuff unless I show some sign of being annoyed with him (reminds me of his dad too).

I want to get out of the house while the sun is out and do more than just sit and watch TV or play on the computer/internet. I use a computer all week long at work and staying home and being so sedentary is going to make me nuts and not any fun to be around. I know me - I get cabin fever and become really irritable especially when I am hungry and made to wait. :(

At last...

I finally started to feel much better on one of the coldest evenings in Georgia. This feeling better led me to get back to the gym again. Yesterday I ran one mile and used the elliptical for 25 minutes. Today I pedaled on the recumbent stationary bike for 20 minutes, spent about 15-20 minutes doing some weights, ran 1.40 miles, and kept a steady pace on the elliptical for 20 minutes increasing to a max resistance at level 7. I ran on the treadmill but I did increase the incline to 1% then to 2% then 3% for about 6 minutes. I am trying to pick up my pace by increasing the intensity/resistance.

Tomorrow I am going to work my legs. Today I focused on my triceps, biceps, back and chest. I hope to focus on glutes, hamstrings and quads tomorrow. I want to look smokin' by this summer so I can lay out and get tan and not want to hide under a towel primarily because I will blind the world with my white legs and well they need to be toned up seriously.

Last night I did a bible study class with a friend who does this on her free time. It felt good to connect spiritually again. I am going to make my best effort to read three chapters daily from the bible. I am not some radical religious fanatic but I do have a spiritual side and I do believe in God. I can't imagine not accepting that there is a God. This is why sometimes when I meet other people from different denominations who readily assume that because I am not what they are that I can't possiby understand anything about God I want to say - you are judging - only God can do that ... thank you very much.

Another one bites the dust...

Things end again abruptly with another guy. This little young hottie boy must of thought I was loaded. He started asking for money. I was not shocked - this has happened before - men have asked me for money before or just plain complain about being broke.... do they think this is a turn on? My ex-husband was lazy free-loading momma's boy and most of the men I have met since my divorce all seem to be broke, going broke, living with mom or something lame like that. Are there any men out there that can support themselves?

At any rate - I watched the Superbowl tonight - which was highly unexpected as I am not a football fanatic but it was fun. I hung out with some work friends and we watched the first half while munching out. I had already eaten at home as not to show up starving and eat too much. Then we all sort of got bored with the game and half time sucked so we started to play Guitar Hero. I am surprised I do much better with the drums than the guitar and I did not realize how tiring singing could be but I am still coughing a bit so I guess that was not helping. Besides that I don't have the best singing voice either.

All in all - I feel a bit whatever over this last guy - he was cute but he was not even close to really even enticing me emotionally or intellectually in any way. Here I am with my hard earned MBA seeing a 26 year old, who can hardly speak English and has absolutely not attended college. I felt like I was lowering my standards but then I felt guilty as if I was acting like I am too good for a person like him. He even told me once on the phone that I was being picky so as too avoid being in a serious relationship with anyone but now I am thinking ... but you started asking me for money and telling me how broke you are and we never even really had "a real date" - what is wrong with men? And I am supposed to want a serious relationship???