Exercise and Food

I am proud of myself because I ran 3.37 miles on Friday and 2.36 Saturday. I don't know why I am so sore though other than from some new exercises I tried from a magazine. One was called SpeedSkater... I think it came from Self or Fitness magazine. I tear out the pages with the exercises and when I am done reading the magazine I pass it on or discard it. For this exercise you basically do lunges but move like a speed skater, reaching for each foot with the opposite hand and reaching behind you with the other arm as if skating. I did 3 sets of 20 but maybe should have done less. My hamstrings feel really tight.

Through last year I put on a few pounds and I could feel it in my pants. On my thighs and waist particularly. I attributed it to my birth control which I need to keep from becoming anemic. My cycles can be wickedly heavy and a couple of years ago I was always tired, blood test results positive for anemia. At any rate, I changed birth control and I noted weight gain so I was really bummed. But recently a co-worker introduced me to a book by Jorge Cruise. The Belly Fat Cure. I started paying more attention to the sugar content of the foods I am eating ... he recommends 15 grams of sugar per day. That pretty much wipes out everything in my pantry and refrigerator. Nervous chuckle here. Anyways, I am excited as I really tried to do that over the weekend after I got the book I ordered via Half.com. I am going to have to still eat what I have though. I am not in the lap of luxury where I can toss out what I have to eat and start fresh from scratch just yet. I did buy some Ezekiel bread with no sugar and very low carbs and have been focusing on having more seeds and nuts in my diet. Needless to say I now know what it's like to be a squirrel. I have been eating pumpkins seeds, sunflower seeds, walnuts and almonds. All of which I already love anyways but now I am focusing on consuming that more than other treats like crackers because it has virtually no sugar and low carbs. Between exercise and my own efforts I have seen my clothes loosen back up. Hopefully my new eating habits will help as well.

Asperger's Kids

I love the post for March 17 at the blog: Raising Asperger's Kids. I completely relate to everything she said about worrying about the strange behavior's Aspies have that would a alert a police officer to think this person is questionable. My son is only 9 years old but I can by his height already that he will be a formidable man to contend with in full rage mode if he has a bad encounter with a bully or someone that angers him. My son has meltdowns as do most Aspies but he does lash out and hit people as well. He not afraid to approach others when angered especially when he wants to retaliate. This scares me but it also affords me some peace of mind to know that he won't tolerate being bullied and I have told him, I expect him to stand up for himself and not shy away from hitting if he's being hit and the other person does not back down. Just sayin', dont' hit my kid because he will hit back and I will too.

Yesterday at the grocery store, the check line was not real busy but the woman and child ahead of my son and I were very chatty with the check out clerk. It was nice though, not that sort of chatty that is just fake and they are just taking up your time and holding up the line. The child was not shy and spoke to the cashier and the bagger. When it was my turn to pay and talk (I say that amusingly, because I tend to be an introvert myself) Dakota would not talk to the clerk or the bagger and the bagger asked me if he was okay. He would not look at her and he immediately hid his face against my side. I told her he was shy and as we walked away I mouthed that my son had Asperger's syndrome..... hell she probably had no clue what it was but I hate to make him a spectacle in front of everyone when it's already hard enough for him to be there in the moment. He's like a shy person that wants no attention but worse in many more ways. He does not want you in his space and he most definitely does not want you to touch him. I can because I am his mom and he wants my closeness but not many other people's closeness. He even told me he hates when his dad touches him because he is so hairy.... to which I laughed loudly and said yes he is pretty hairy.

I seldom write about my son on this blog because my blog is not about him, it's about me. That may seem mean and self-centered but it's not. My world already revolves around him and I think that as part of a way to keep myself sane, I use this blog to talk about everything about me including him but not always him. He's the world to me but this is my space.

Phobias

Phobias are a funny thing. I mean phobias in all their forms even if they are not the kind that paralyze you with complete fear. One thing I am afraid of is opening those Pillsbury refrigerated tubes of biscuits or cinnamon rolls. They do this popping thing when you peel the cardboard and for some reason that just stresses me in a weird way. I feel like I can't breathe when I attempt to and just the thought of the pop while I type this is having the same effect on me. I can actually feel my chest tighten and my breath grow shallow. It has a such a dizzying effect on me.

I was was having this conversation at work with someone and she also shared her adverse reaction to having people put their bare feet on her. She said even in intimate relationships she hated bare feet placed against her own bare skin. I think feet are gross anyways and I don't want to touch anyone's feet (other than my son's) and I don't like having my feet touched. I hate it.

The oddest phobia she mentioned was her sister's! She cannot touch dryer lint. The stuff that builds up in the dryer filter/vent whatever that is that is mostly clothing fibers that accumulate and turn into a soft sheep like mass. Often I get a lot of hair in their because I have long hair and hair does gross me out especially if it is not mine and especially if it is pet hair on my clothes. Hat it!! Well anyways her sister has to get someone to clean out the dryer lint or she'll get a paper towel to remove it. That is a bit peculiar as by the time you clean the dryer lint out the clothes are clean and well so warm germs would not possibly still be alive in there.

Everyone has their own habits and rituals so it's hard to say what motivates people or derails them. I finally thought it through enough and I am not going to rent that home I'd considered for the year the family will be out of the country. It's just to costly combined with all utilities in comparison to my apartment. There would be no cost savings whatsoever especially when heating & cooling costs are driven up in the summer and winter. Just not a good choice. The other deterrent was seeing the home. Too much pet hair from the cat and the dog the owners have. The place really needed a severe cleaning. Messy and too much clutter. I imagined if I rented it furnished it would seriously be an ordeal for me to live in whatever was left there for the year as I am a neat freak and hate being surrounded in disarray of any kind. I am at peace with my decision. I would be most unhappy if I went forward with it and relinquished having my things for a full year. The other problem I'd be facing is finding a new place to live within a years time and having to move out on their time table and worrying about credit checks etc... which could be a problem if I take over payment of their utilities and my credit activity lays dormant for a year. Not a good thing.

Purpose

I realized something about myself. I had realized it long before I finished my classes in my MBA program. Before I even started that program I was just completing my bachelor's degree. I knew I had to keep going... I hated not having something to reach for ... something that had a finish line and some form of achievement and accomplishment. I've been feeling damn near empty since I finished my MBA. I am sure a lot of people feel this way but when I signed up to do the MBA I told someone I was doing it to stay busy and it was the truth to some extent because I can't stand feeling like I am not working towards something.

I guess that's how I've been about everything in my life and that's half the reason I won't date casually unless I know I really want more from a person than a night out. I see now how that applies to some areas of religion in which they talk about companionship and marriage. I don't like wasting my time and not working toward something. I had gotten in the rut of sleeping in late too much when by nature I normally get up and start my day as soon as my eyes open. I usually work out, shower, do my make up and hair and read and get some breakfast, then clean before I relax to watch TV or do something else.

My brother and I are starting our own little writing club. We pick a topic and write short story or less and then follow it up with a poem on the same theme. We worked on the topic of stealing yesterday. Today I will pick another topic from the book "A Writer's Book of Days" First before doing that I read two short stories from some old literature books. First I read "The Small Side of Large" byClark E. Knowles from the Spring 2004 Issue 50 of Glimmer Train...then I read "Cathedral" by Raymond Carver from an American Literature Anthology book. Now I am going to write on the topic of "Longing". Quite apropos since the two stories reflected much on loneliness and the recent death of a spouse. But longing has many forms, the childless woman, the woman who longs for companionship, the need for direction, and many other needs that really reflect longing. That's a hard topic but one that has so many obvious truths.

Another thing I am doing that helps me have some purpose is reading a book with a friend - basically it's our own little book club. We are reading the book House Rules by Jodi Picoult. She's a fiction writer but my friend suggested it because the story is centered on a child with Asperger's, a subject very close to home for me but since she likes the author and I have an Aspie, it's a good thing.

Reasons

I was reading a co-workers blog and cracking up. I won't link to it as I don't share my blog with co-workers. I would with her but I don't know who at work reads her blog that would be led to mine. I think some things need to be kept separated.

At any rate she had a list of all the reasons why "yesterday" sucked. I truly felt bad for her. She is pregnant and her car broke down and I know with our salaries here - that can't be an easy thing for her right now. I hope things will be fixed for her and the cost minimal.

I thought to make my own list of why things that sucked yesterday but nothing really sucked that bad yesterday. So I will make a list of why yesterday was great:

1. I enjoyed my favorite protein bar with H20 yesterday morning.
2. I had a rather stress free day except for having trouble with burning some DVDs.
3. I finished a task rather quickly that normally takes me several hours.
4. I enjoyed lunch at home and relaxed and did not think about work.
5. I ran 2 miles and had a good work out.
6. I had a healthy dinner of baked tilapia and steamed veggies - yum!
7. I talked to my brother for 2 hours and we talked about books and writing.
8. My son is with his dad so I got to relax and watch what I wanted on TV. (though I miss him)
9. It was a lovely day yesterday (rain today)
10. I was really tired and slept well. :) Amen.