#215800 Challenge - Inconveniences

Ok, I am not numbering my #215800 challenge writing.

Unforeseen super busy days at work and other minor inconveniences like being tired just did me in this week. I feel like I could use another vacation already. Just kidding. I just need to cut myself some slack and not expect to be able to do everything everyday. Oh well. Life goes on right?

Inconveniences come in all forms.  For my son, they are simple things like having to poop. I know TMI. But really the kid makes a great point why are we designed to excrete solids and liquids … can’t we liquefy everything … it’d be so much easier as my son put it.  It’s so inconvenient to have to poop.  But then he’s not a female and for us it’s inconvenient to do either since we can’t just do that standing up.

I think the whole design for women’s existence on this planet is pretty inconvenient. We have excess baggage up top and behind us (most of us do anyways), making it hard to move without some jiggle wiggle going on.  I won’t run anywhere unless I am wearing a sports bra.  There’d be too much motion otherwise and I might break my jaw and distract a lot of people.  We have to sit to do the what was mentioned in the previous paragraph, and our monthly friend causes such an emotional flux and a wardrobe readjustment of massive proportions each month.  Who’s with me on that? I mean I really have to orchestrate what I wear to suit the possibility of some uncomfortable possibility and to max my comfort level during the most uncomfortable part of the month.  And when it’s hot out, it makes it miserable and it when it’s cold out, it makes it unbearable. 

Then when you think things might get better you start having night sweats, massive mood swings, cold and hot flashes.  Talk about paying for mistakes generation after generation … Eve really did us in.

Well either way human biological functioning can be really interesting but very messy. I agree with my son … it’s inconvenient. 

Life can become messy in general.  Sometimes it seems easier to walk away and hope things fix themselves but they don’t get better by themselves.  You can try to drink your problems away, run from them, avoid them, fight about problems, ignore them, try to party them away, blame someone else for them or simply assume they are someone else’s problems but you know what, when you look in the mirror, there they are reflected in the pain in your eyes.  They are yours until you stop letting your problems control how you react to the world around you and take responsibility for yourself, the world you created around you and then pull up your big girl panties or your big boy britches and get on with it.  Being a whiny wet blanket  isn’t going to help anything and in fact it only drives people away, people that could be there to support you in a healthy non-co-dependent way.  

Life is what you make of it and if you keep messing it up, it’s always going to feel completely undone and out of control. No one can fix that but you… no one.  It takes hard work and it does not happen over night or by itself.  Shit happens, so duck and watch your step, because every footfall  or lack thereof leaves impressions that follow you for the rest of your life.

Communication 21.5.800 Day 9 of 21

Okay, I slacked off in a major way - did neither my yoga or writing, yesterday. Bad me. :) But I made up for it today. I wrote 876 word of which I am going to share here today after mentioning my exercise and yoga activity for the day.  I wrote about communication and appearances and how it impacts the average person and children with special needs.

Yoga:

• Half Shoulder Stand - this is very challenging as it makes my lower back hurt.
• Breath of Fire with Raised Thumbs - really works the arms
• Kneeling Yoga Mudra - need to find a youtube video to see how this is done - feel like I am doing it wrong
• Savasana 12 minutes

Other Exercise:
About 25 minutes of Pliometrics from P90X - (I've had the DVD set a while and hardly use it. It was gifted to me by a friend in California. I owe it to her to use it.)

Writing: Communication

Fear stifles communication. It creates paralysis. Overcoming these things is a great challenge. I have seen this create a great, big rift in relationships and it creates a huge, barren wasteland, so to speak, of non-growth. 

I try to always say what’s on my mind and I tend to wear my feelings on my sleeve.  I was at once criticized for revealing too much.  Being mysterious or aloof seemed to be a popular thing among many people I knew.  Not revealing, not sharing or opening up to people was the best way to self protect.

As much as I am into self-preservation or of repressing some of my feelings, I also tend to really open up and tell the truth. I don’t exaggerate my talents or tell tall-tales.  Nothing is more of a let down than when you meet someone and find out they are but a minuscule version of the giant shadow they cast around at everyone.  It might also be that we build that person up as much as they build up themselves up, but it’s easy to do when that person seems so confident.  This is how scams work.

Seeming is the key word here.  I would rather be than seem. I don’t want to appear to be rich but I don’t want to appear to be poor either. I am really neither. I am a hard working person who has earned what she has and I want to carry myself as such. That is the image I want to project and I don’t want to seem at any time less or more than that.  I mean, yes it might be great to seem like I am much slimmer by wearing clothing that camouflages a belly or extra weight, but I have never been a fan of fluffing.

I had a boss once who told me to use key words on my resume to get my foot in the door. He said with just knowing the word and a general definition of the word, it would be enough to get hired sometimes. But what then? You get hired and you just know what things mean but not how to do them? I was thoroughly disillusioned hearing this because it made me realized that the world was full of smoke and mirrors.  The appearance of did not necessarily rest with any reality. It broke my heart and my naivety was exposed; my virgin mind was no more. 

As hurt as I was about this realization, I pulled myself up by my big girl panties and I thought, “Well hell! I have some homework to do.”  Now that I have a child I realize how much they don’t quite understand and how little they read into innuendo and double entendres.  My son has a greater challenge to face because he has Asperger’s syndrome.  I fear that if I, a typical, normal, quite intelligent, albeit a bit naïve woman, was unaware of the ways of the world, then how was I going to help this child with special needs to see past the smoke and mirrors, navigate the fog and not get sucked into the muck and mire of this world.

I realize now more than ever, “Well hell, I have a lot more homework to do!”  Not only do I have to continue to work on building my skills and enrich my business acumen to remain relevant but I have to understand how to instill these similar foundations on a child that struggles with understanding facial expressions, sarcasm, idioms and emotions.  Wow, have I got my work cut out for me. 

But I realize that I have some great advantages.  I was not born in the US.  I am Mexican, born in Mexico but raised in Los Angeles since I was a child.  These facts are very relevant to what my son needs, someone who went through the same stages of trying to clearly understand what other children and adults wanted.  For me it was in the form of trying to master my own language and learning English at the same time.  This gives me an upper hand and understanding of how he must feel.

I know how he feels.  He is digging deep and looking at people’s eyes, facial expressions, hand gestures and body language.  The words may not mean what the body is saying but the pieces put together like a puzzle will come together eventually and paint a clear picture.  Or a clearer picture really.  This is the value of communication because when the words, the facial expression, or the body language are vague, aloof or mysterious, asking for an explanation makes things clearer and it avoids the junk that weighs us down with assumptions and appearances.

What I am saying is, say what you mean, be who you are and when you are not sure what someone else is saying or who they are trying to be, ASK! Communicate and listen.  Often time people just take what they hear or see on face value and walk away never knowing what they missed out on. Unfortunately, texting, email and other modern media also creates similar challenges but there again, we can pick up the phone and ask to avoid trying to decipher a rude comment that is followed by a smiling emoticon.

#215800 Challenge Day 8 of 21

Okay I am going to forgo my writing tonight. I spent too much time out and about this evening and I did not have time and I am tired.  I did do my yoga however and my workout.

I was out eating dinner with friends at a Greek Restaurant.  Very filling food and very good. I had the broiled fish trio and a side salad.  Then we headed off to see a piano recital. The girl played fantastically.  She played Chopin, Bach, Beethoven, Schubert & Heitor Villa-Lobos.  I wish I could play the piano sometimes or at least one instrument. I was learning to play the flute when I was in the 3rd grade at a school in Los Angeles. The school had a super strict Japanese instructor and if you forgot your instrument he'd give you hell. I forgot my flute once so I know.  It was a great orchestra for an inner city Los Angeles school so when my parents relocated to another area of the Los Angeles suburbs, we lost that music program and went to mediocre schools. I hated the move and it took me a while to adjust.  Everyone where we moved was not Latino and there was little by way of ethnicity.  Also all kids my age at the new school were all shorter than me.  I was tall as a kid and I felt like a giant in a little world. I slouched from that day forth until I was a Freshman in high school. I hated being tall but now I am glad I am not a short woman. I have stature and I look men right in their eyes and not up at them HA! LOL

Yoga:
Cross bow - need to improve flexibility and strength
Reclining Spinal Twist - seems too easy so I must be doing something wrong LOL
Downward Dog - My arms felt stronger today.
Savasana 12 minutes

Other Exercise: 
Taebo Cardio Circuit DVD - very cardio very!

#215800 Challenge Day 7 of 21

Having one of the days where I just want to go to sleep and wake up in a better mood.  I think I am just a bit cranky because I meant to go to the gym as soon as I got home after having changed out into my gym clothes.  I dozed off and woke up closer to 6 pm. Just ended up working out at home with free weights and yoga.

Yoga:

• Seated Boat Pose - very challenging. Did with hands on sides
• Threading the Needle - this seems easy so tempted to think I am doing it wrong.
• Balancing Stick - balance challenge for sure.
• Thunderbolt - I was able to sit with my toes curled under for 10 seconds each attempt. Ouch it hurts.
• Savasana - 12 minutes - but I was anxious and my upper back ached.

Other exercise: 
Weights 30 minutes.

Writing:
Tonight before I go to bed I am going to use my copy of A Writer's Book of Day's to write my 800 words.  The topic is writing about an island. This ought to be interesting.  If it turns out decent I will share it on another day.

#215800 Challenge Day 6 of 21

Bindu Wiles theme for today was Discipline. If you are on a different day than me it's because I started 2 days late on this challenge.

Writing: Lot of things take discipline. Not just getting up early or going to work every day. It takes discipline not to overeat or do yoga daily. I so far have done some yoga each day since I started this challenge, even if it's just a few poses.

Today I ran 2 miles but I ran at slower pace. It was 94 degrees out and I was sore from yesterday's weight training day. I am working on alternating running every other day and weights every other day and work on squeezing in some work out videos I own and one I got from Netflix.

It takes a lot of discipline to work on maintaining a routine without getting bored with it. It takes effort on the part of the person doing an exercise routine to spice it or change it up each time so that it challenges the body.

I ran on nature trails at a local college today. I could have run 2.5 miles but I found I was pretty wiped out and I cut myself some slack since it was so hot and for having worked out just about every day since Saturday.

Just like having discipline to work hard it also takes some discipline to cut yourself a break and relax. I know many people who can't leave work at the office. They check their smart phone constantly for emails from work or texts. They don't have the discipline to let it go and be with their families and unwind. It takes effort to do just about anything and it does require discipline to takes some family time and some me time.

With that said, I did slack off on some writing by not meeting the 800 mark with this post and I did not write any more than this off my blog site.

Yoga: I only did a few poses today but I challenged myself to hold them longer and really stretch.

Triangle Twist - this is harder than it looks

Supine Butterfly

Camel - this really hurts ... I am not very flexible but I was able to reach my heels with being on my toes and hold each rep 10 seconds.

Cooling breath - this does cool you off

Shavasana - 10 minutes

Other exercise:

Ran 2.00 miles

Walked 1/2 mile

#215800 Challenge Day 5 of 21

Writing: Okay I am sharing another 800+ words ... following the Fear theme at Bindu Wiles. It's listed after my "other excercise" list.

Yoga:

Crescent Moon Pose

Standing Squat or Utkatasana

Crab or Kulirana

Earth and Sun Meditation

Shavasana

Other Exercise:

3.57 mile stationary bike ride

2.35 miles Elliptical

30 minutes weights

800 + words:

Fear

I can think of lots of things that scare me. My parents dying is on the top ten, my sister and my brother getting sick, hurt or dying, my nieces, nephew or my son having a terrible accident and dying. Fear is always about death or is it? Not really. Complete fear can make you feel like you just might die. I used to be horribly shy to the point that I could not breathe if I had to stand in front of anyone and talk. I would turn beet red and want to just run away. That was the extent of my horrid fear at the time.

As I got older, fear took on newer meanings. But as I child I only feared never seeing my parents ever again if they died or I got lost. In my teens, my biggest fear was losing the boyfriend I had then who was way too old for me anyway, in my early twenties I dreaded never moving out of my parents house (they insisted we stay until we got married, oh hell no, I moved out), in my late twenties I worried about money as much as I did in my early thirties, then I ended up divorced. In my mid 30’s I feared I’d never have sex again … I was quite literally celibate for 4 years straight. Now I am very satisfied … no pun intended as that satisfaction has less to do with sex than with being conformed with who I am and what I will be. I earned my MBA a couple of years ago, I have an autistic son and I live only with my son when he’s not with his dad, and I have yet to meet anyone I would consider a good candidate for marriage and that does not scare me at all.

What scares me now is commitment. I feel like I want to be free as much as possible and I want nothing or no one to compromise that freedom. I like having my son to myself when he’s here and when friends want to hang out with him and me, I feel like they are invading our space. Recently one of my son’s school mate’s mother started asking about our future summer plans and I felt that all too familiar tightening in my chest. I felt anxious, I felt I had to commit. I felt trapped. I hate not really being able opt out of something and the only person I don’t feel that way about is my son. Everyone else creates this weird mixture of fear, feelings of entrapment and resent when they have the nerve to try to make me say yes to something. I mean they are not making me say yes really but I feel that nagging urge to say I might be able to. I don’t want to say no and I don’t want to say yes. The last two wedding invitations I got I never RSVP’d to because I could not commit to yes or no so I left them blank and never mailed them. It was that hard.

I personally think I need to seek counseling about it but I hate to enter into any appointment that I might have to keep. Every time I make a dental appointment or doctor appointment, I end up rescheduling it or cancelling it all together. When I call the doctors office to reschedule it having to sit on hold is another thing that irks me. I hate being on hold or agreeing to be on hold because it means I have to be there when the person comes back on the line. At this point you probably think I am being cute or funny but I am dead serious. I have the hardest time with being depended on by anyone other than my son. The fear I know is rooted in expectations. I fear that I can’t meet expectations. I fear the fear that those expectations create and so it compounds itself into this cycle of avoidance. Case in point, I had no problem starting courses for my MBA until it was becoming clear I’d complete it… it took everything in me to not give in to my fear but my pride would have been at stake so that helped me through.

I have even found that when I meet someone and it appears a relationship may be possible I avoid the person who does call and is dependable and I tend to make more time for the person who is less available. The last thing that I did that caused me some anxiety was agreeing on reading the same book as a friend. I almost said no but I did it. I struggled with my inner voice to keep from weaseling out of it. I struggle with it daily with almost every little thing. When I tell myself to write everything down that I eat or keep an exercise journal, it becomes exponentially harder. Even the #215800 challenge is hard but my desire to do this just might outweighs my desire to quit right now anyways.

I don’t know if anyone can relate to this but everyone’s fears are founded on something that is more real to them than it is for anyone else.

#215800 Challenge Day 4 of 21

Today is day 4 of 21 on my #215800 challenge.

Writing: Today I wrote about doubts or a particular doubt in my life. Today I chose to share the whole portion of my 800 + word exercise because it really resonates and fits into a lot of the things I have been going through lately. It is below my yoga list below.

Yoga: (all poses I am doing following "The Yoga Deck II")

Balancing the cat

Figure 8s

Downward dog or Adho Mukhasana

Connecting Breath Meditation

Corpse or Shavasana (savasana) my yoga deck spells it with an "h".

Today's writing shared: I won't normally share my whole writing exercise but I wanted to today.

Writing exercise June 13, 2010 - These are the doubts I’ve had.

I’ve had many doubts in my life. My biggest doubt was when I started questioning my faith in Jesus/God in the spiritual need. It’s been the biggest challenge as well because it undoes years or most of my life. How can I be me if I lose everything that ever led up to the now; who I am now.

It started when I first found out someone in my family considered themselves an atheist. It hurt to hear him say he did not believe in God. I felt like crying. But things kept happening to me and in my family that continued to increase my doubts. Failed relationships, my son’s diagnosis of autism/Aspergers, my nephew’s diagnosis of diabetes, my niece’s diagnosis of otosclerosis, other people’s pain, my pain and suffering on different levels, and smaller failures or disappointments have all had a firm grip on what I believed in all my life and that grip was splitting it apart.

When I used to receive emails with uplifting Godly messages, prayers and angels I used to forward them, sometimes with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes if the story was touching enough. After I started to lose my grip on my faith I just deleted those messages. When I’d talk to my mom, an unwaveringly faithful woman, and she’d talk about God, in the back of my mind I felt like a hypocrite agreeing with her because I knew deep down, something in me had died.

I tried many times to find it, like lost innocence. I felt I’d see it in nature and the world around me but science would always creep right back in and cast doubt across it like a looming shadow. I’d look for it in the faces of strangers walking by, in stories, movies, everyday things but they all just felt cold and hard.

I even started avoid leaving my office and joining in social gatherings at work. Recently, at a work event a few women commented on how it seemed like it’d been so long since they’d seen me. One commented that it felt like it’d been years since she’d seen me. It struck me there like a slap in the face. Had it been that long that I’d been struggling with my need to believe but could not find a way to gain the trust and faith back in anything, anyone or any place. I thought I wanted to cry right there and then.

I finally decided to write more and do more yoga, running, drawing and sketching. I told myself I needed a direction. I felt lost and I felt like each day was the same. Getting up and feeling like there was nothing for me and that I did not feel that same keen curiousness for life and the world around me as I had before.

Perhaps restoring my faith in myself is what I needed more to give me back the hope and direction I’d craved. But never has it been clearer than now that God has not abandoned me and that God does exist. There have been times in the morning that I wake up before my alarm clock goes off and it’s been those times that I felt someone was trying to wake me up. I always woke up feeling like there was something I needed to do on those particular days. Yet I could not find the direction or hear clearly what it was I needed to do. Like a bad connection.

Today as I opened my copy of A Writer’s Book of Days to June 13 the writing exercise was, “These were the doubts I had.” I felt like it should read these are the doubts I have. I went on to read the summary of the week’s exercises on the page and found a quote by Jorge Luis Borges. He’s a great Argentine writer. In the quote he states, “it is written in the kabbalah that when the words in a dream are loud and distinct and seem to come from no particular source, these words are from God.” I felt those words were meant to be seen by me, like they were destined to be found on this precise day in the state of mind I was in today. Maybe I’d seen it before and it meant nothing then, but today for whatever reason the words there in that quote resonated with me far more than anything illuminating that could have ever happened to me today.

As it happens today I woke up around 7:45 AM precisely feeling like I needed to get up and get my day started; that sense of urgency to get things done was there again. I ran 1.50 miles and walked almost two miles and I came home and did my yoga, showered, ate breakfast and felt compelled to write and blog, not only because I’d decided to do the #215800 challenge but because it felt like the direction that I needed to take. God is always talking to us but maybe we’re just not listening or have started to lose the faith that bridges our understanding of his message.

#215800 Challenge Day 3 of 21

Day 3 for me of #215800. It's been intensely hot in Georgia today. The humidity feels like it just wraps itself around you and draws the sweat out of you. Dangerous if you don't hydrate enough.

Writing: Today I wrote over 1,300 words on a story of a woman who is in an awkward situation while at the home of a married couple (friends) for dinner. The conversation turns into an argument and the couple end up leaving her at the table alone. The story is devoted to how she feels during the argument, after she's left alone and her thoughts as she sees herself out and drives home. Got the idea to write this from today's exercise from my copy of A Writer's Book of Days ... the exercise is called Afterward, I thought about....

Yoga:

Reclining Spinal Twist or Jathara Parivrittanasana

Neck Rolls

Kneeling Yoga Mudra

Childs pose or Garbhasana

Savasana - 10 minutes - I struggled to relax - felt tense but once I did I almost fell asleep but was rudely awakened by my iPhone timer alarm that was set to pinball noises. Not a good sound to be roused with ... immediately my heart was racing. Need to change that.

Related blog topic: I was reminded of an incident from a recent run on some nature trails at a local college when I think about the exercise topic: Afterward, I thought about.... I was just 5 minutes into my run when I noticed that along the nature trail there was a young child's bike laying on it's side and also a blue parakeet was there. Obviously the parakeet must have had clipped wings as it was not attempting to fly away and did not seem startled by my presence. My first inclination was to look around for the child since there are rail road tracks nearby I feared this young girl (it was a girl's bike) might have wandered down to the tracks or worse gotten in the man-made pond to the right and drowned. But amidst all these thoughts I looked behind me and saw a man running the trails behind me. He was the same man that walked into the trails before me but had stopped to adjust his shoes just before I started into the trails. So I ended up ahead of him. Somewhere amidst my thoughts I considered the possibility that this was just staged to look like a child was somewhere nearby like when you hear about the supposed crimes that start by someone playing recordings of crying babies outside a woman's door to lure her out. I guess I am paranoid but I thought ... maybe I'll just keep going and if the man behind me slows down he's probably wondering the same thing about this parakeet and bike laying here in the trails. He did slow down as I presumed because he'd overtaken me by then if he hadn't. I could tell his running pace was faster than mine. However, shortly he appeared from behind the trees as he'd resumed running. I am still curious about the bike and the blue parakeet. It probably was just some kid's forgotten stuff but I also hope whose ever child that was, did not go to the tracks or fall in the pond. Afterward, I thought I could have at least gone to the campus police and asked them to check it out, as I am sure maybe the man behind me considered the same thing. Sometimes we're so busy minding our own business we don't really think that what crosses our path might be business we're meant to be involved with.

#215800 Challenge Day 1 of 21

Check out the #215800 challenge. I am doing this challenge. I think it's a way to work in getting myself moving on my desire to write more regularly and focus on doing some yoga each day rather than sporadically doing it willy nilly about once or twice a week. I am going to do some yoga pose or poses 5 times per week, stretch several body parts 5 times per week, write at least 800 words each day for 21 days and blog about what topic I chose to write about, and discuss the poses and stretches and do the Savasana - corpse pose each day. I am going to refer to my copy of A Writer's Book of Days for some of my writing as well as visit other #215800 participant blogs for inspiration.

I am late starting but I am still labeling my blog posts for Day 1 and not Day 3 as would be for other on time participants posting for today.

Writing: I chose to write about a compromise. The short story unfolds with a woman being caught doing something illegal. The person who witnesses her crime offers a compromise for her to walk away without getting in trouble so long as she is willing to cook and clean for his ailing father for three months. In the story this is about how long his father has to live and the son wants to spend the last three months with his father doing meaningful things to make his last months as happy as he can.

Yoga: I have a limited experience with yoga but I always saw my mom practice yoga in our living room when we were kids. I have done many poses but seldom well and hardly ever follow through doing poses longer or challenging myself to do more. I will start to doing this #215800 challenge to push myself to do yoga at least 5 times a week even if it is just one or two poses in the morning or before bed or as part of my regular work out.

Exercise:

Okay today I cycled on the stationary bike for 35 minutes ... 7.78 miles at 13.34 mph

Yoga poses:

I'll be doing my yoga poses from my Yoga Deck II cards by Olivia Miller and work towards DVD yoga routines as I progress, get better at holding these poses, increase my strength and flexibility.

Kneeling Lunge w/ Twist or Anjaneyasana - 3 sets each side held for about a minute each.

Threading the Needle - seemed rather easy - 3 sets each side

Thunderbolt or Vajrasana - held pose for about 5 minute (not on toes)

Savasana - about 5 to 7 minutes (next time I'll use a timer)

Change

I was reading a blog post by Aurelia Flores here at PowerfulLatinas.com that really touched the core of what I feel I am going through. I know that I have outgrown my job and my surroundings but there are things I can do about it. I can let go of old habits and embrace new ones. I can find things to challenge my mind and my talents and help steer me in a new direction. If finding a new job or relocating right now are not an option, moving physically is not all that is left. I can work to create motion and momentum by adding value to my skills by learning something new, reading about an industry with which I am not familiar, network with new people, take a long drive and discover another part of my city I had not seen before. Just be creative and stumble upon things that might surprise me.

Sometimes as the blog post at Powerful Latinas says we hold on to old ways of thinking and we don't realize that growth will happen whether we know it or not but we remain stuck if we don't recognize the value of that growth whether it be growing old, learning something new, meeting new people, learning from their experiences good or bad. It's all about seeing the value in struggles and what they do to transform you and the world around you.

My Summer Exercise Resolve

I am going to buckle down and work really hard to lose 20+ lbs by my birthday Jan 1. I keep trying but I keep losing my resolve to really work hard and really change some poor eating habits for good. It's not easy that's for sure.

At any rate I have been running and walking but I need to really focus on consistency and weights. Tonight I burned 903 calories according to my MIO heart rate monitor watch.

I ran 2 miles, walked 1.6o miles, worked on arms and abs, used my hoola hoop and just did some general free form cardio in my living room tonight, just to burn a bit more calories and work on my trimming my waist.

Goal #1 lose about 7 to 10 lbs in the next two months. August 7 I need to be down at least 7 lbs from my current weight. Sorry not sharing my weight ::)..

Goal #2 tone my arms, abs, and legs

Goal #3 increase walking

Goal #4 focus on eating fruits and vegetables

Let's see how I do. I hate when I slack and lose my resolve. :)

Blogging

Wow I did two blog posts in May. Let's see how many I can manage in June. LOL

No really I just can't seem to get myself to care about blogging lately. Everything seems like muck and mire lately. I'm just in a funk I guess. In some areas of self-expression mostly.

I was happy enough to make a road trip to the Georgia coast and hang with my son at Tybee Island and St. Simons Island and spend my two weeks vacation pretty darn happily I think but when it comes to writing lately ... my demons are getting in the way or I am suppressing something.

I think it's mostly me censoring myself and I'd rather not say what's really behind the happy mask. Overall though it has a lot to do with feeling incomplete and other family stuff I don't discuss on my blog. At any rate, it will all work itself out in the end... maybe.