Security

I often think about being considerate of others.  I always do things wondering how this action will impact everyone around me.  I have very few people to impact over all since I live with just my son but I consider how my financial well-being affects everyone around me.  For one, my parents can't help me if I fall into dire straits financially. Two, my ex-in-laws would surely assist me but I never ever ever ask or infer that I am broke to them.

To that end, I am financially sound right now.  I have managed to bulk up my emergency funds in the last two years to a point of having enough for at least 3 months if I were to lose my job or something bad happened, like say, a broken leg.  However, I realize that that is a mere fraction of what I would need if I were to fall ill with a serious disease like cancer.  I often stay up worrying on things like this and I then consider what this little card, my mother gave me once, states.  It's a verse from the Bible that reads, "Don't worry for tomorrow, for it will take care of itself." Each Bible version is slightly different but the main point is don't dwell on what might be and enjoy what you have today.

I was reading a book I got from a group of Bible study people I met sometime back. It explains different areas of the Bible and its teachings.  I was scaring myself to death imagining the evil that has touched my life.  I mean to say that in a humorous way but also in a way that makes me wonder what if... For instance, the book explains that tools of the devil are divination, tarot cards, ouija boards, mediums, fortune tellers etc.  I had owned at one time a ouija board and tarot cards.  I wondered if I had taken them very seriously how my life may have been affected.  It explained some things that I was unaware of and wonder how accurate these events are. One such thing that is explained is that God and Jesus had a war against Satan and his angel followers and banished him and them to earth ... I always thought this happened many thousands of years ago but in this book it claims that this would have been around 1914.   It also says that the period between the time that the devil becomes the ruler of earth - when he is banished here with us, will be a period of deadly wars, plagues, famines, earthquakes - Revelations stuff.  I knew this but did not realize that the devil had so recently been banished to earth.

I say all this to make a point. Bad things are all around us all the time and who we choose to be and how we choose to be is ultimately the free will we've been given.  That free will and thought allows us to make choices every minute of the day.  Do you lie to get what you want? Do you take something because no one will know? I choose to be a good as I can be not because of the expected rewards but because it makes me feel good about being an honest, considerate person and I can go to bed at night and sleep with a clear conscious.

According to the writings I read last night there just is a short period of time left before the wold ends just after God/Jesus sends the devil to earth. I guess I find this confusing and scary all at the same time. Either way something's gotta give. The way the world is and continues to go seems far scarier than ceasing to exist.  I would rather be at the mercy of a higher power than a corrupt world.

Single Parenting

I was listening to the radio earlier this week and the talk show hosts were discussing how being a single parent especially a single mother is still frowned upon by society as a whole.  I think that is a terrible attitude to have. Not all of us have the same excuse for being a single parent. I, for one, did not marry until I was 27 years old, did not have my son until I was 29 and had a very challenging marriage which finally ended 6 years into it.  Does being a single mom make me seem irresponsible, selfish, or what?

Maybe the slant is, that a single mom is a 17 year old girl who had unprotected sex at a very young age and has to have food stamps, welfare or lives at home with her parents, goes out and parties and leaves her young child with her parents.  That my friends, may be a good cause to frown down against having sex too young but not for being a single parent or mom.

Really think about how you judge others before you throw daggers at them.  I am a single mom but I don't want people to feel sorry for me and I don't like people thinking I need all this help.  I have an MBA, I am educated, I speak proper English and I don't need a man financially. I need someone I can depend on as a friend and companion but if I have to clean up after him constantly and nag him to get him to take the trash out once a week then I frown down on marriages because if you are always fighting and pissed off - how healthy is that for your kids?

I think every situation is different.  I am sure there are very healthy marriages out there but I also think single parenting is a very healthy and wonderful option if you have not found, preserved or don't want a long term relationship.

This type of judging is the reason why the world is in constant turmoil. No one is perfect least of all the person doing all the judging. Amen!

Investing and Money Matters

I was discussing money matters with my son this weekend. Yes, he's only 10 but learning about time management and money management should not be limited to waiting until habits have already been formed to try to change them.  I show him how I budget my money in a Google Docs spreadsheet.  I explain the purpose of spreading out my paycheck monthly based on categories like, RENT, UTILITIES, ENTERTAINMENT and DISCRETIONARY or disposable income.  I explained to him this is why I was cutting back on eating out and buying toys everytime we went to Target or the grocery store.  I also explain to him that the more I can save towards the Christmas gifts savings budget the more good gifts he can get at Christmas rather than a bunch of cheap toys through the year.

I realize too that I was explaining much more than he cared to know but at least I am not ignoring the topic all together and in the process I can re-evaluate what I find most important in managing how I spend for us and how I invest towards my future and his.

So far my quest to learn to invest has led me to a lot of reading. As it should be so I am told. The more you read the more you know and the less mistakes can be made.  Mistakes are inevitable and is part of the learning process but managing how many is like managing your many - it has to be done.  It's also led me to sites like Investopedia, Wall Street Survivor and buying a book by Suze Orman to use her 5 month plan to make sure I am doing all I can to ensure I have what I need by the time I retire.  I can't take care of anyone else, if I don't take care of me first, right? I could probably read all about it online but my eyes get tired of the computer so books are a good thing.

Two other sites I recommend are listed in my Goals page. Go check them out.

Conversations

About three weekends back, my son and I went to a kid's birthday party my son was invited to. The hostess, the mom, held the party at a business she owned and provided buckets of Legos for the kids to play with to keep them busy. It was great. I was actually able to sit and talk to other adults without being told "I'm bored" for several hours.

My son was doing well for several reasons, some of the kids at the party were from his dojo class and some others were also Aspies. It was perfect because they can relate and they had Legos! Did I mention Legos are the perfect toy for kids with autism. Or maybe they are just perfect for any kid but at any rate they are perfect for my son, an Aspie, who requires the right kind of challenge to keep meltdowns at bay either from boredom or from something too difficult for him.

The conversation with several of the women was very interesting. We talked about our kids mostly but at one point the conversation went from jobs to dating ... to sex. It was not a topic I often talk about especially not around total strangers and I am not the one to bring it up. One woman had started talking about her weight and her job but soon took the conversation to sex. I realized she needed a listening ear. She talked about wanting lypo for her thighs, getting prescription diet pills to lose weight, and too small breasts. It all summed up the fact that she was a single mom and had not had sex in about 9 years, basically since she'd had her son. Though I was not delighted in her choice of conversation since we were around lots of kids, I completely understood. These are things that weigh heavily on my mind. I do think that as women we strive for perfection to attract a man. More so because we have a child already... perfection must be attained because the child may be a deterrant to a man who may like you but is not ready to be a father or have more mouths to feed if he's got his own kids.

For me, I am protective of my son. I don't want the selfishness of a man in my world because I don't want to take my attention from my son to keep a man in my life. I realize that men are very affected by what they see and if I am not perfectly fit, lean, and sexy my chances are rather slim. No pun intended. I don't have time or patience to nearly kill myself working out for hours, eat next to nothing, and dress the way it takes to garner that attention. If I am going to take care of myself, emotionally, physically and diet wise, it's going to be for me and for my son but not for someone to come and stay in my life. That is not a priority to me right now. My priority is to provide my son with my support to get him where he needs to be as an adult. Help with his homework and the limitations he deals with because he is autistic.

Though I could sympathize with the issues this woman is concerned with I also realize that thinking with your emotional and sexual needs can blind you to the fact that your choice in men can present many other issues in the long run. The last few men I met, turned out to have ulterior motives. Some just wanted a convenient booty call and others were looking for someone to give them money. It's not to say that men aren't plagued by the same problems with women who are gold-diggers or have other issues but as women we tend to think with our hearts and not our heads.

My head tells me I need to stay focused on my child and sometimes my heart interferes and wants something of its own to hold on to. For now, it's going to only be holding my child's hand and guiding him to a prosperous adult life. If anything else hopes to make room for itself in my life, it damn well better have a great list of references and be prepared to prove itself.

Teacher/Parent Conference

The teacher parent conference this week went well and that's really how most of my teacher/parent conferences go.  The times I go to my son's school outside of teacher/parent conference are the times that are the not so well times when he has major outbursts because of his Asperger's.  Those are far and few between lately but when they hit it's somewhat comparative to a grand mal seizure is to an epileptic.  They are intense meltdowns.

Last meltdown he knocked me on my butt and hit his dad until his dad had to wrestle him to the floor. Before we showed up at school the teacher had been using the restrain for 30 second at a time technique but since he could not locate any of us (me, dad or grandparents) for an hour that 30 second technique was like having hold his breath underwater and hope someone would pull him out.  My son can take up to an hour to recover from a full blown meltdown sometimes so I can imagine his desperation.

I felt terrible for missing their first call but I was in a meeting and then I had to go do something else that kept me from looking at my silenced iPhone. When I did finally look at my phone, I was in line to grab a quick bite to eat at Wendy's, instead I pulled out of the drive thru line and headed to my son's school which is an hour away from where I live and work.  I drive 90 miles an hour and yes I mostly get there in about 35 to 45 minutes.

This is the only elementary school in this area (or rather close enough to us to not cause a complete hardship) with a self-contained Asperger program. However I have yet to hear of another self-contained program in Georgia for elementary school age kids.  Autism resource would never be enough for my son so this is the best setting and has been a life saver since he was assigned this setting from his original home school that had no autism resources at all.  He's been here since the 2nd half of kindergarten and he's now half-way through to 5th grade. Soon he'll be moving on to middle grade school and that scares me a bit but the next school also has the self-contained Asperger's setting.  They will of course try to mainstream him but thus far he's only going to two classes outside of the Asperger's setting plus Speech Therapy.  I hope that his teachers there will be as supportive and kind as they have been where he is now.  He will miss some of them terribly, especially his Speech Therapy teacher who just loves him to pieces.

Now it's time to buckle down and focus on getting him ready for the CRCT tests to pass to 5th grade.  Spellling, writing and math (though he's good at math) are some challenges but he loves science and social studies and he's doing great in those. They've given us a practice CRCT site log in and other resources to review for this testing.  I just hope he can sit through most of it without too much stress.  I worry about him and test taking. It weighs heavily on my mind so when I hear he's done well on any test, I feel the tension on my shoulders ease up just a bit.