Fitness & Diet

I am trying super hard to eat healthier and drink more water on top of increasing my activity level.  I hate when I get lazy and lose all the progress I'd made when I was working out hard.  Though, at the time that I was in better form, I was letting my son's grandmother pick him up from the bus every day that I had him so I could squeeze in a hard workout between work and picking him up. That stopped when things got kind of weird for my ex. He and his current wife were going through drama and I was somehow getting dragged into the mix. They are now going through a divorce. 

Things have seemed to have calmed down quite a bit on that front but I am still getting my son off the bus myself for now. Yet since he does karate 3 days a week at a center closer to his grandparent's house, I end up having to deal with picking up his uniform from his grandmother's house and what not, so then my son decides he wants to get some toy to take to my house and then the visit lengthens when he wants to watch cartoons...yada ... yada.  It's not the worst ... it's a good bathroom pitstop to say the least and I get free coffee before my son's karate class.  Keeps me focused in case he darts out when he loses at dodgeball.

To help me drink more water though I bought this water flavoring stuff called MiO. It's funny because when I was a foreign exchange student living in France during one of my high school summers, the French people already had something like this. I remember it made drinking water more pleasant.  The French people I stayed with did not drink soft drinks the way we do. It was either a glass of wine or water.  The 14 year old son in the family used it to flavor his water and then I decided I liked it. I don't remember the flavors they had anymore but their flavoring came in a big whipped cream type bottle not like these I found at Target.  The one I bought is some berry pomegranate flavor. It's pretty good. There were other flavors like fruit punch, cherry etc. but this one sounded the best so I am glad I got it.  It is $3.50 and makes about 24 servings. I am not sure if that applies to 8 ounce servings so I am going to assume so.

At any rate, this week has been a good week so far working out. I have committed some time to running and weights.

Fitness Motivator

I saw this article through my Facebook feed on Monday about a 73 year old woman who is so fit she could pass for at least 50 years old.  I am always getting hung up on the fact that I think it's too late for me to bother to try and get super fit and keep at it.  I always plunge into the depths of dramatic despair over getting out of shape and not finding the time to work out and then I see women like these who against all odds find a way to make it work and add quality back to their lives just by getting fit and staying mobile. 

This has been my biggest fear all my life. Losing my independence and mobility is the scariest thing in the world.  I dread the day I cannot wear heels, drive, or walk on my own.  Good Lord, will I ever be a pain in the ass to live with then.  I don't wish me on anybody at that point.  So to be a more pleasant person to be around I have to stay in shape. I run, walk and do weights whenever I can.  Not as often as I could though.

I take my son running with me sometimes.  Last week we ran a mile on Tuesday and a mile on Thursday.  He's only 10 and he can run the whole mile without stopping.  He rocks!  Our goal is to run 3 miles by August without stopping.  On Monday, I ran alone on a track at a local school. You can see my progress here.  It was chilly but I ran 1.71 miles. (I walked 1.76 miles afterward) I did not run at my faster pace but I am working back towards strengthening my legs a bit at a time so I can get back to running 3 miles like I was last summer.  This winter was so harsh that it really whittled away at my will to keep active.  I hate cold winters. This is a big reason I wish I still lived in California.  I know some of you must think I am a wimp because Georgia winters are not so bad but try going from Cali sunshine to Georgia and it's not so fun. I am sure coming down from the North is just the opposite though. 

Well happy working out for those of you that do! 

Looking over my shoulder...

I have been using Facebook for a while now so I've had some good and also some bad times with it.  The good outweigh the bad.  However, not long ago I had to unfriend a certain guy.  I had met him where I used to be employed.  I was employed at this place not long before the beginning of my divorce but this guy who started bothering me, met me before the divorce started.  At that time, he was just an acquaintance as a result of the job.  I had to come in contact with the public a good bit so I met various people, some I wished I did not have to deal with.

When I did start going through my divorce he changed. He started to become more aggressive about talking to me and getting closer to me when we spoke.  Another girl who knew him made a comment and soon I found out he'd pursued her the same way.  Needless to say we became friends over time.

Long story short, I left that employment because I needed full-time work and that one was only part-time.  At the time I did not have Facebook but I finally got talked into getting it by a few friends at my new job.  I've had it since. This guy found me on Facebook and friended me.  At first I did not think it would be an issue but as time progressed he was becoming an issue so I dropped him as a friend. He did not seem too happy but I was not going to deal with any harassment considering a lot of my co-workers have me friended on Facebook.

The girl he'd harassed before me and I had since then become Facebook friends and she'd told me she had to do the same thing. She unfriended him and then later he posed as another of her friends (his cousin) to talk to her, later admitting it was him and not the cousin.  She contacted me to let me know that that conversation was to get her to get in touch with me. He wanted her to reach out to me and see if we could hook up.  I thought she meant he wanted me to see him but he wanted us - all three of us to hook up. He wanted a deviant sexual encounter with two women.  Sick.

At any rate, that was a while ago and I had since thought I was not going to need to worry about that until my son and I went running the other day at a local school track and lo and behold he was there.  He was stretching by the track as my son and I started our 1 mile run.  He turned to look at me as soon as I walked past him. I was horrified.  He said Hi and I must not have been able to hide my reaction because he looked shocked. I waved him off and started running with my son.  As we got next to him again he tried to look at me again but I avoided eye contact with him and kept running. After that he disappeared. 

Needless to say I have avoided going running there again and it was one of my favorite spots to run but now I'll have to go elsewhere.  I really need to invest in a taser or mace.  I hate having to look over my shoulder but some people make it necessary.

Yesterday's Blog Post

I know I seem to have mentioned my son's being sent home from school in passing yesterday but it is not that trivial. I just don't like to dwell on it.  The school policy, as it pertains to him or any other children in the self-contained Asperger classroom, allows for some tolerance of meltdowns up until the point where the inability to contain the child from violent outbursts continues and the threat of physical harm to himself or others is increased and has escalated beyond their scope.  I can't say I disagree with this and sometimes I am glad they call because I know just taking him away from the environment that has caused the meltdown is the only answer at the time.  Since early January this has only happened about 3 times if memory serves me well. 

I hate that it happens and wished it did not but my son has mini-meltdowns and massive meltdowns all day long and all week long. If I had a way to measure them like on a richter scale as they do earthquakes I'd always see he'd be on the verge of a massive meltdown constantly.  But who needs to see that kind of pressure building up in their lives ... I would rather just gauge it by his moods than to be keenly aware of everything that will bring my son to some scary version of himself. 

The reality is a child and all children have tantrums, we work on it and we talk about it and we try to show him that he needs to learn to deal with disappointment just like with any other child.  I only have him so I am limited as to how I can compare him to other kids but I don't live in a bubble. I see other parents with their typical kids and my sister and brother have kids.  I know what it's like to see a typical child throw a tantrum.  Granted they stop as soon as they hear the threat of losing a favorite toy or hear they might be spanked, my son would continue through threats and spankings, and that makes all the difference. 

I have to worry about the future ... when he's old enough to have a brush with the law due to his meltdowns, what then?  I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there ... but in the meantime I plan to buy a medical bracelet he can wear that says AUTISTIC across it so they'll know there is a medical issue or neurological issue and also plan to get some sort of car decal that notes that a passenger in the car has Aspergers/autism so they will know waht to do if we are ever in a bad accident.

Stormy Atlanta

The weather has been out of control in Atlanta.  It got super warm last week and then ended through the weekend with cooler weather and a crazy lightning and thunderstorms.  This morning at 6AM I awoke to a rumbling that shook my bed and it was just thunder that I could feel rumble through my condo. Yikes. For a minute I was sure it was an earthquake but then I realized I don't live in California anymore.  It stressed me out a bit.

Speaking of stress... my son's dad had to go get our little man from school Friday. They called him and said he was having a major meltdown again and needed to be checked out.  It was his turn to be with his dad so they did not call me. I am sometimes amazed they can keep up with who he's with when.  Being parents in different households can cause all sort of additional stressors on a kid with special needs, especially Aspergers / autism where the child thrives best with routine.  However, had it not been for our split I'd never get a break and I'd still be dealing with the things that made the relationship impossible.

So right now I am relishing the quiet and the ability to watch what I want on TV even if it's not for long.  It makes me a better mom to get breaks and I should not feel guilty but thankful that my son has a life full enough of grandparenting and a dad who can be around most times to provide his share of child rearing. 

I might draw, paint or just read today.  But right now I just know I am hungry and hot dogs are calling my name like nobody's business. LOL

Competitiveness & Pride

So I was thinking, (making the hamster run a bit faster than usual LOL), and I came to the conclusion that my son’s competitiveness and unwillingness to accept loss stems from just being like his dad and like me.  I am competitive and I am very proud. 

I hate to get help and so does my son. 

Winning is not everything but I don’t like to fail.  When I do lose I chalk it up to a learning experience, which is what I try to teach my son.   Every mistake and failure is a stepping stone to get ahead but sometimes he just gets angry and frustrated.  Doing that is just like a missed opportunity but no matter how you try to beat this into someone’s head, they just have to learn the hard way sometimes.  So let them, even if it hurts.

I am sure my parents did that sometimes with my siblings and me.  It’s a necessary evil.

I do, at times, get caught up in that competitive drive to be the better parent.   Yet, it’s not that I want to show up my son’s father (or anyone else for that matter) or see him fail. 

There was a time when our relationship first failed that I would have wished all hell and damnation on him.  Now that my son is older and is cognizant of what it means to have two parents, be it in the same household or not, I would never wish any harm on his dad because I know my son’s happiness hinges on having both parents in his life.  His dad’s and my happiness and success will eventually be reflected in the values my son adopts as he gets older.  This in turn will be my son’s personal happiness and success, so why would I even choose to want anything less.

Yet there are still times when I want to still appear to be the better parent, seems selfish I know.  Maybe it’s my need to show that I am tougher and stronger and don’t need help.  I feel like I can handle anything life throws my way.  But really really… I can’t always and there are days when I have the least patience with my son because I am tired and cranky and want to sleep more and do more for me but can’t because of the reality of commuting, busy schedules, not enough hours in the day and just plain needing time to just veg out. 

This I imagine is the overwhelming stuff that I fear would put my son’s adult life as an Aspie into a complete tailspin.  If he can barely deal with managing his competitive nature and need to be perfect at everything, how is he going to do this when he has to juggle more feelings, obligations and demands on his life, his mind, and sensory issues?  Just thinking about it makes me feel like I want to vomit. 

Maybe at that point, in his adult life, his competitiveness and pride will allow him to do it all and manage it even if underneath he feels like darting off and out the door like he does now.  Maybe the values that he holds dear will guide him long after I can’t be around to dash away fears, wipe away tears and assure him that he can do it.

Discipline

I had to bring the hammer of discipline down on my son yesterday.  I am trying a new approach.  I next to never spank. It has never worked with my son.  It more or less just fuels his Asperger's rage.  It does not help.

Yesterday at his dojo class when they transitioned to dodge ball to get some cardio in and keep them on their toes, he showed no signs of over-stimulation or agitation.  Earlier in class, he almost volunteered to do a forms routine but was not quite brave enough and I think the instructor avoided drawing attention to him this time because of previous encounters with his inability to cope with the unwanted attention... but this time I could tell he wanted the instructor to ask him so he'd not have to really volunteer. (the sense of obligation is a good motivator sometimes).

Anyways, he did not get to do the routine but he did not seem too disappointed.  When they play dodge ball of course the object is to not get hit and be the last man standing (or woman).  He was one of the first few to get hit by the ball right away.  Well ... he got upset and darted.  He ran out of the dojo center and out into the walkway then to the left away from view.  I could see the instructor turn his eyes toward me as he said, "Come on now.... don't run off."

It's funny because my reaction was so subdued.  I stood up and just calmly said, "I'll go get him."  There used to be more kids with special needs in the dojo class my son is in but some have moved on or not returned.  My son has more pronounced reactions to disappointment than some other kids with Aspergers.  My son can and will become violent without warning at times.

I went out to find him.  He was standing outside leaning against the brick wall away from view but not in the parking lot where he could get hit by a car.  He's old enough to know better and scared and young enough to wait to be found.  When I approached him he kept turning his back to me and crossing his arms.  I said sternly, "I don't like your behavior, karate is not free, so I want to hear one answer and one answer only.  Are we going back in there, yes or no?!"  He continued to grunt and hiss at me.  So I said, "I only speak two languages, English and Spanish. (I do speak French but I was trying to keep it simple).  I want to hear yes or no in either otherwise I don't need to hear anything else. Well?" He nearly hissed a "yes" at me so I turned to walk back in.  I could scarcely see him resignedly following me and I strode into the dojo center back straight and walking confidently.  I am sure the other parents think my kid is a brat but they don't know what I go through and how accustomed I am to dealing with this.  The instructors do though so they yield to me or his grandparents (whomever brings him to dojo that night) to deal with the behavior and the issues we face.

This behavior is a direct result of his need to never lose at anything not just being an Aspie.  He's my only child and my ex's first child, my parents 4th grandchild, but my ex-in-laws first grandson.  He's definitely spoiled and can be a brat so I knew my discipline had to reflect my disappointment but be different enough to impress upon him that I need him to remember why discipline continued long after leaving the dojo center.  Our drive home from there is about 35 minutes or longer.

When we got home, I had him finish his homework and then we reviewed his spelling words.  I recite them and he writes them on a old white board I got that was being discarded.  I can proudly say he spelled them all correctly.

Afterward, I told him to erase the board and write out the sentence pictured.  My original punishment was to have him write and erase this on the white board 5 times. .  I only had him write it once.  "Being a sore loser is not black belt behavior."  I warned him that future meltdowns or poor behavior would result in having to write down a relevant statement 5 times and that it would increment by 5 more times each time his behavior was inappropriate.

This is sitting un-erased in the living room where he can see it every time he looks up. It may seem harsh.  But it is just humiliating enough.  Having to write down your behavior while someone else tells you what your behavior is not like should be enough to impress upon him that it's got to change or improve.

Smaller packaging - Sustainability

I like to eat this cereal by Nature's Path...Pumpkin Flax Plus® Granola.  It's very good by the way.  I recommend it actually more because it's good but also because it's a high fiber, wbole grain cereal and has Omega-3 fatty acids.  It's also organic.  I'm not a huge health nut but I should worry about what I eat since I am not getting any younger.  The packaging caught my eye recently because it had all this print on the inside. I was annoyed that the coupons were printed on the inside of the box but I guess it's good that they are taking full advantage of making use of the whole box for something. 

In looking over the box I noted the sustainability blurb on the back of the box. They claim to have made the box smaller, which I never really noticed, but also state that it's the same amount of cereal.  I have no way of knowing if this is true since I've consumed the last few boxes I purchased of this some time ago but I will give them the benefit of the doubt.  Their box has always been smaller than other cereal boxes to begin with but I have no complaints there.  Other cereal boxes, like chip bags, are full of air. The box sits about 3 inches higher than where the product stops. 

I respect that they are trying to limit the use of resources for a product like cereal.  I've long stopped buying sugary cereals and most of the popular brands because I think they are not worth the cost.  I got this cereal at Kroger this week but on average I think I pay about $3.30 for a box or slightly less at Walmart.  That's about .69 cents to a whole dollar less than most of those larger boxes that contain about the same amount of cereal plus air and don't have any health benefits. By the way I saved $8.80 on groceries this weekend using iPhone apps for digital coupons using the Kroger App and CellFire.

I think all food containers should be redesigned to the size that is necessary to house the food not to advertise.  It's wasteful and irresponsible.  If I need to know more I'll sign up for their e-newsletter.  I think that's how business should be done.

On a side note though... how are flaxseeds really good for me if my body does not digest them. I mean not to be gross but they come out whole the other end half the time.  Just sayin'!!

Shopping for Pants

Over the weekend while shopping for some new pants for my son, at Kohl's, I noted this box of tissues sitting on a wall clothing display area.  See picture.  It made me laugh to think, maybe some parents really have such a tough time with their kids when shopping and perhaps mostly with boys that they brought along a whole of box of tissues.  I am sure that is not the case.  It's possible it's hell to work for Kohl's and the employees are randomly finding a corner of the store to go cry.  Poor things.

I don't have a really tough time with getting my son to try on clothes. Although he's an Aspie he really cooperates when I ask him to try things on.  He tried on 1 shirt and 3 pairs of pants for me.  One pair was too short, the other a bit bit long and the ones he said he thought he would not like, he liked and wanted.  Luckily these pants were all on sale but we only got two pair.  The shirt was $6.00, one pair of pants was $7.49 and the other $10.00... so I did not do too bad.  I also let him pick out cute pair of sunglasses ($5.00). He looks like a such a little man.

I think that with like many other things, if I mentally prepare my son for what he has to do, he'll do it.  I told him at the start of the day that I had a coupon for 15% off at Kohl's and that I needed to get him 2 pair of pants.  I made sure he knew he had to try on at least 4 pair to find two good ones that I'd end up buying.  I grabbed the pants and shirt and sent him into the dressing room. I waited outside and he came out and showed me how each item fit.  It's cute because he smiles with every item he shows me and tells me if he likes it or not.  He did like the pants that were too short but we could not find them in his size.

I like to call this my EGO method.  E = Expectation, set the expectation, I want you to try on or do a specific thing; G = Goal, explain the goal, the expectation will help reach a goal; O = Opportunity, leave open the opportunity for him to set his own goals or express his likes or dislikes. I think that this gives him a bit of autonomy in the decision to have to shop and taking the time out away from his favorite activities and  routine.  We don't shop for clothes very often so letting him pick out the sunglasses without my input gives him some control and also makes him aware of his outward appearance. 

The trick is to make it quick.  The longer it takes the more likely you'll need tissues. More for yourself rather than for the child. 

However, the down side of having to verbalize what you are going to do to mentally prepare your child is exhausting.  I noticed when my son is with his dad I am considerably less tired than when he is home and I have to talk us through everything. 

At work I often find myself talking through things like this and I wonder if my co-workers find it annoying.

Dogs and Some People

Not long ago I got chased by a pitbull at work. I work in a quasi residential area where employees are sometimes housed on our residential property.  They are not supposed to have pets on our property whether other residential neighbors have them or not.  One such employee has two.  A pitbull and another fluffy yappy dog.  Annoying.

We did not have a clue this person had dogs.  The day I got chased by the pitbull I was returning from another area at work. I was driving since our buildings are spread out across several blocks.  I pulled up and sat in my car briefly noticed a dog bark at our security truck.  I really thought nothing of it and I had my window down as did the guy in our security truck so I figured he’d say something if the situation was dangerous. I was too much in my own thoughts to think more of it. I have never been afraid of big dogs. We always had big dogs growing up. The last was a German Shepherd and he was a big dumb marmaduke of a dog.  A neighbor once returned him to us; found him cornered in an alley by a cat. Stupid dog.

I got out of my car.  Closed the door and started to walk to my building’s back entrance.  The security guard then speaks.  “You better get out of here!” Really I think, now you say something. I first trot across the gravel parking lot and then realize “oh hell, he’s after me!”  The dog was in full charge, growling, muscles flexing in chest, fleshy curled up dog face revealing sharp canines, naturally I screamed, he was just feet from me.

I get to the handicap accessible ramp leading to the back door, we don’t have steps, and realize I better run faster.  I, in my favorite Tahari peep toe pumps, put it on full sprint up the ramp.  I scream again and hope the door is not locked!  Just then my co-worker pulls the door open as I grab the door knob to get in. He practically yanks me in and we both slam the door just about on the pitbull’s head. 

All I could do was laugh.  My heart was racing and I almost got mauled and I was laughing.  My reaction even surprised me.  Maybe it was the ridiculousness of the situation that I was not safe at work. 

Moments later a residential neighbor walking to his home was actually attacked by said dog and bitten all over his thighs and lower legs.  Our security guards aren’t armed so he could not shoot the dog, all he could do was try to get the young man to climb into his truck when the dog was between bites.

The stupid dog owner had NO documentation on the dog’s shots so the young man had to get rabies shots and stay at the hospital at least a few days.  The SPCA took the dog for the night but then returned it to the owner. Really?  WTH?

My big question is why? Why was the dog loose and why was she not home? She finally showed up around the same time the police showed up.  They had their weapons out and pointing them in the general area where the dog ran off but she showed up and got him inside.

It’s the law to keep your dog on a leash but it seems the consequences are so minute that it does not matter. They did not put her dog down and she still has her job.  I have a big problem with that.

My mom was telling me last night that she called the police on a neighbor regarding his dogs. His dogs were pooping all over her front lawn because he just lets them loose and goes back inside and he has a backyard.  When the police showed up he told the police in his broken English, that he had the freedom to do whatever he wanted because he was in the United States.  Is that what we stand for now… do what the hell you like no matter whose rights you infringe upon in the process because you are more free than the rest of us?   Can I at least get in and out of my car safely?  I am still afraid to walk in the neighborhood which is not too far from where I work for fear I might have another encounter with an unleashed dog.  

Noise

Weekend mornings like today I relish.  I like that warmer morning feel.  I can feel the coolness of the morning but it is more inviting because I don't feel like sleeping it makes me want to sit somewhere and just be alone with my thoughts.

So when I had to get up and use the toilet, I was annoyed that I'd have to open a new package of toilet paper and make a bunch of noise. 

It is so hard to wake up my son on the weekdays.  I literally have to ask him a half dozen times to get up and get dressed.  Granted he has to get up at 5:30 in the morning so we can make it to his bus stop on time but on the weekends, he'll wake up around the time I do sometimes, between 7:00AM to 8:30AM, without a problem (unless I ask him to do something).  I enjoy the cuddle time, don't get me wrong, but I really sometimes just want to get up and read, write, watch something on TV I want to enjoy without him saying it's boring, or just sit still and enjoy the morning.

The noise of the toilet paper was like the crashing of China in a library ... I was like "Geeezo Petes ... really?!" I hate how noisy everything sounds when you are trying to be careful or quiet.  He rolled around the bed and I thought "please please please ... sleep just another hour!!"  My son sleeps on my bed and from my bathroom I could see him (I know he's kind of old to sleep with me... but that's a blog for another day).

As soon as I could I grabbed a pillow and put it next to him.  This usually makes him feel like it's me next to him and he crowds me as soon as he thinks I am moving around on the bed, as if he's trying to keep me from getting up or realizes I am moving away from him. Sleeping in my bed is a rather challening dilemma... let me tell you!

Anyways, my son is not the kind of child that wakes up to every little sound, he really never was.  I am now running the washing machine and he's still zonked out.  I just know that as soon as I make up my mind to get up and workout, read, write or something that requires me to stay on task, he is no sooner up and ready to ask for ten millions things or want me to cuddle with him on the couch. 

Oh well, it's good to be wanted and have a cute little cuddle bug to snuggle with ... I should not complain because he'll soon outgrow the cuddling phase and soon tell me I annoy him. LOL

Home Alone

The Fedex delivery guy scared me so badly the other day.  I never, ever leave my front door unlocked so when I heard the door and it sounded like it was opening, I just about felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest.  He was only leaving a package between the screen door and my actually locked door but from where I was sitting, it sounded like the door was opening.

I both hate and like that feeling like you are about to panic but then the adrenaline kicks in and it’s like you are on a roller coaster.  I think sometimes I am an adrenaline junkie because I really want to try skydiving but then I think, crap, with my luck the chute won’t open and I will go splat on the concrete below or dirt – depending on where my lifeless or flailing body drifts to in the air.

I really did think for one brief second that it was just my dryer making funny noises after it cooled down but when the sound continued, I was thinking okay, I am going to have to get up off the couch and body slam whomever comes through that door like I am a linebacker.  Or I could have just run to the kitchen and grabbed a knife and waited to shank him as he got through the door. 

All those wild self-preservation daydreams aside, I really need to consider getting a taser.  I would get a gun but the statistics on that usually show that most people don’t have the guts to shoot someone else even if it means saving their own life.  A taser, at least, suggests you are compassionate enough to give your assailant a chance to live but not without a show first. 

I leave my condo well before daybreak and sometimes get in well after dark.  Though I’ve always been safe in my neighborhood, I do realize that is a false sense of security.  So I am probably going shopping for some sort of self-defense class or a taser soon. However, I do have the added benefit of really paying attention at my son's dojo sessions three times a week so I have an idea of how to whoop some butt.

Death

I’m not a huge rap fan but I do like some R&B artists and select hits they’ve had.  I don’t know what music Nate Dogg recorded and if I ever heard it. If I did, I probably did not know it was him. I had to Google him to find out who he was. He died recently at 41. Wow so young.  When I was a teenager or in my twenties, 40 would not seem young at all.  It’s funny I say that now.

Someone elses death really makes you think about your own life and mortality.  I just turned the big 40 but I don’t feel like I am.  I feel younger than 40 sounds. 

What scares me most is not being around for my son.  I just want to be healthy and mobile for him more than anything.  I don’t want to miss out on anything going on with him.  I would be devastated if I was stuck in a wheelchair or had some terrible problem that forced me to be bedridden. 

With that said I really try hard not to take for granted that I can walk and take care of myself and my son.  I am very lucky to have what I have and live in a country where I am not told, as woman, what I can and cannot do.  I mean people may try but so far, anything I’ve done, I’ve done of my on volition.

I’ve been in the military, I’ve been married, divorced, have a child and live on my own, make my own money and I like what I’ve done with my life and the choices I’ve made.  I am who I am because of what I have been through and I am strong and adaptable because of it.

If I die young at least I can say I lived how I chose.  But hopefully I’ll have many more years ahead of me and get to see my little man grow up.

In the meantime, read this funny blog post about my funeral march.

The Autism Talk

Recently, I read at Little Bit Quirky about their experience with the near autism talk and it made me realize I've been through this and I should blog about it.

As if giving them the birds and the bees talk is not enough, right?  First you have to explain why they are the way they are.  What’s that mean? Different things for different kids … NTs or not… all kids are different in one way or another.  Height, weight, race, hair texture, hair color etc. and then there are those things that make us clearly very different like autism or other disabilities.

My son has been diagnosed with Asperger’s since he was 5 years old, so by now I thought surely he’s heard us refer to him as an Aspie, or heard us say something about him having autism, being diagnosed with Asperger,  and being in a self-contained Asperger classroom.  I thought his classroom setting would have been a big clue.  He’s never asked us, “Why am I in this classroom with less kids and I get to go out for some classes and not others?” Right?  No it never happened that way.

On a certain night when my son had a dojo/karate/parent’s night out event, I meandered over to the mall to be nearby so if they called I could SpeedRacer it back to rescue everyone from his rage.  I would say rescue him but I feel like I am rescuing everyone else most of the time.  My only notion was to park as close to Barnes & Noble and go book browsing.  I went over to the autism section and found a book I realized I had to have … well … rather my son had to have.  Although my son is not yet a teenager, it helps to discuss what he needs to do to cope with his limitations and help him deal with his frustration levels when doing just about anything. 

The book actually is meant for kids younger than teen age years but the title is a bit misleading. Once you open it you realize this book can be very useful.  It gives the perspective of other kids with Aspergers and how they feel about themselves and others.   The title is Take Control of Asperger’s Syndrome.  I was sure I mentioned it before on my blog but I cannot find the post in which I did.

Once I had the book in hand decided it was time to buy it and have this talk. So late last year when he was or had just turned 10 years old, I sat him down and I explained why I bought the book and that it was because he was diagnosed with Asperger’s.  

He cried.  A broken-hearted cry that made me realize how alone he felt.  Not only because he knew he was different already but because I was confirming what he probably already knew and it was like I was making it official.  

I felt like a big freaking jerk for making him cry. But I recovered the situation when I asked him why he was crying. He said he did not want to be different.  I told him everyone is different except you have some differences that require you to get more attention when it comes to school. You learn differently than other kids and you understand things differently.  He managed to stop crying and I also discussed some things he did that made him different, like stimming, his frustration threshold, the way he only likes certain foods, how odors bother him and how he can hear or see things I can’t see and many more things. 

But I also made sure he realized his differences were not shortcomings but actual strengths.  I told him his ability to see details others can’t see would be invaluable to him for the rest of his life.  His ability to stay on task and focus for long periods of time give him an edge other people don’t naturally have.  He may be different but he’s lucky in many more ways than normal people.   At least he’ll be honest, to a fault maybe, but never will you wonder what he really thinks and he won’t lie or cheat because he follows rules when many people won’t.

As we get deeper into the book, I think it’s helped him accept who he is and I often point out other kids like him and his Aspie friends so he knows no matter how different they are they have someone who they can connect with and still be people.

Nuclear Meltdown

No I'm not blogging about a meltdown my Aspie had... although often they do seem hazardous in some way...

Monday after work around 5pm – ish I was watching Hardball with Chris Williams.  I never watch this but was intrigued by all the talk of nuclear meltdown.  They were covering Japan’s current state of affairs and discussing California’s potential to suffer similar catastrophic events.  I would hope not since my whole family lives there.

Personally I say it’s possible but you can’t live holding your breath.  At any rate, Chris Williams was interviewing some spokesperson for the continued use of nuclear energy of some sort, don’t quote me on that, but he wanted him to basically say the possibility of this happening to California was unlikely.   I was like, dude? Really?  How do you expect the man to predict what the ring of fire and fault line activity to do in the next decade?  That’s not playing hardball, that’s asking the man to have a psychic moment with Dionne Warwick.  What the hell?  

There are two nuclear plants in California, one in Diablo Canyon (which translates to Devils Canyon) and San Onofre - not sure what that translates to.

No one has a crystal ball that will alleviate our fears about the coming plight of the human race. Some will argue that we have the Bible and that explains end of days as we’re seeing them unfold now.  I am Catholic and I do believe in God and what the Bible says but I am not going to go all preachy on you and tell you to repent and reform.  I think God would not want us to live under gobs of garments and veil our faces to appear chaste but I think some morality in our lives would not hurt, right?

To that end I say, have a drink, sit outside at night and gaze at the stars more often and breathe the air while it’s here, because you don’t ever know when it will be the last time you breathe that air.

On a side note, I did notice the lack of expression on the spokesperson guy.  It was like he was part of the televised propaganda I read about on Fahrenheit 451.  He never cracked a smile, grimace, or look of empathy for anything - as if he was all botoxed up.  He was like a suit with a mechanical face.  I think my Aspie would have truly believed he was a robot or would have maybe been more confused since he already has a tough time reading people’s facial expressions … this guy had next to none and his tone was stony.

Expectations

It’s funny how everyone envisions their kids will turn out.  I am sure my parents who immigrated from Mexico were probably hoping we’d at least get married, be happy and had a spouse who was decent and a hard worker.   Or maybe I am underestimating what their expectations were by a long shot.  Maybe they did dream we’d become doctors or lawyers but I do know they never planned to stay in the U.S.  They’d come to seek residency just for employment so they could get themselves on their feet and move back.  That dream was swallowed up by time, obligations and the realization that their kids were part of this world more now than the world they’d be taking us back to.

In some ways I am thankful.  Some things that are going on in my home country are very sad, very angering and very frustrating. Though I have family back where I was born, I don’t know them well enough to feel like I have an obligation to them or that I need to connect with them. Maybe that sounds bad to some people but I have just learned to detach myself from feeling responsible for the success and safety of everyone.  It’s not healthy to put that kind of pressure on yourself, I think.

It is also not healthy to put that kind of pressure on a child to succeed or do what you want because that was your dream.  I often find myself urging my son to understand the benefits of doing well in school and having him think of what he wants to do when he grows up now so he can get a head start on where he wants to be later but then I realize, that’s what I want, not what he wants.  

The best thing to do is to give guidance and not insist on a direction or career.  Sometimes those expectations lead to disappointment and resentment when that person won’t do what we want.  Why even get started that way, right? Easier said than done.  It’s so easy to fall into the trap of insisting on having our way and then shaking our finger at that person and saying I told you so when they fail because they did it their way and not yours.  You can’t learn without making mistakes though, so the next time you find yourself trying to help or “fix” someone, just let it go.  It’s possible they may have failed doing it your way too.

Dental Visit Time

I just printed out the new patient PDF files I need for a Pediatric Dental Specialist visit.  Yikes!!!!!!!  The last time we took my son to the dentist was gobs of years ago and it required knocking him out completely.  But he was only about 4 years old.  Maybe he won’t react that way again. 

Somewhere between that major dental work and now I did attempt to visit a dentist in the area that supposedly specialized in kids with autism.  He was probably 6 years old. Our appointment was at say maybe 1:00PM.  I showed up about 20 minutes early.  We sat there and sat there.  1:00PM rolled around and we were still sitting there.  I thought if I get in early, fill out the damn forms right off, they’ll call us in a bit early. 

I was trying to do everything just right to avoid a meltdown before we were called in.  So when other parents and their NT kids showed up I was worried my son would soon hit meltdown point because he had to share the toys he had been using or some kid would stare at him and it would set him off.  To my surprise none of that occurred but as parents came in they kept getting called back for their appointments before me and I’d been there longer and now my appointment time had passed and it was nearly 1:45PM.  

I finally lost my cool and I went up and bitched them out.  They looked so shocked that I did not know they were short staffed that day.  Really? Bitches!!  You could not have called me and said would you like to reschedule since we are short staffed and you might experience a longer wait time today?  Considering I have a child with autism/Aspergers who would likely get frustrated and stressed from anticipating the dental drama, you’d think some people would have a brain and let us know.  No not really.

They called us in, in less then 10 minutes after my meltdown only to find my son would not stay calm enough even for the dentist to lay the chair back for her to just look.  A whole two hours wasted because he was probably secretly stressed the whole wait time.  He simply would not cooperate by the time it was his turn.  And I had him all prepped before the appointment.  I gave him a pep talk and told him it would be quick and they’d just look and clean but the longer we waited the more both of us got agitated.  I am sure by the time they called us in he was sensing my pissed-off-ness and that clearly did not help.

So I am hoping that this dentist who comes highly praised and recommended by another mom of an Aspie is a better experience.  I am driving out of my way about 25 miles to visit him and the appointment is not until April during my son’s  Spring break, so I better not have to sit longer than 30 minutes into my appointment time waiting.  I should not have to wait at all since it is an appointment right? Why make it if I have to wait longer? I may as well be a walk in like at Great Clips or something.

Karate Kid

Yesterday was an awesome day for me as a mom, especially as a mom to a child with special needs.  My son is incredibly shy on top of being an Aspie.  The center he goes to has many exercises they do and one is called the code of champions.  It’s a routine with a series of moves, high blocks, low blocks, hooks, punches, etc.  Well they often practice it right before the karate instructor asks for volunteers to perform it in front of their peers.   So they sit down and the usual kids always volunteer.  Near the time he was about to just take a few more volunteers, the dad of another special needs child asked me, “does he ever volunteer?”  I looked over at him and said, shaking my head, “No, he seldom does and I doubt he will.”  I was looking at the man so when his expression changed to shock and awe I realized my son was volunteering.  I was so surprised.  He went through and did the moves and seemed to remember most without the karate instructor prompting him.  He is so soft spoken so he never shouts his “hiyas!” like all the other kids when he is doing his moves but he did get up and volunteer which took quite some gumption on his timid part.  

The dad who asked if he’d volunteer and I did a high five after he clapped with a huge smile on his face for my son. I got a lump in the back of my throat and teared up a bit while I clapped for him. I also noticed the karate instructor give my little guy a high five.  

After he sat back down, my son sort of hung his head down.  The dad, who was as excited as I was about my son for volunteering, asked if he was embarrassed.  I told him yes, he just does not like all the attention, which is half the reason he won’t volunteer.  The child next to my son kept trying to look at him to see why he hung his head down.  I think he must have thought he was crying.  It was so sweet that he was so concerned about my son but my son finally picked up his head and the other child realized he was not crying.

We can’t sing happy birthday to my son for this very reason. He can’t handle the attention. It’s a sensory overload to him.  The last time his birthday came around I had to tell the karate instructor not to do the whole singing thing for him like they do for all the kids at the karate center because he would become agitated.  I’ve even stopped trying to do birthday parties.  Instead, I take him to the movies, dinner and get him a gift.  Last time I tried to see if he would open his gifts in the restaurant but he refused. He said he wanted to open them in the car or at his grandma’s house on the way home.  

Well at least I economize this way. No big party but great gifts and food.

Wordless Wednesday

Tires

I took my car over to Tire Barn today.  My tire seal came undone.  Not sure all that that entails but the seal was redone and the valve was repaired/balanced. As long as I don't have to get dirty, it's all good for me.

Tire Barn is a funny, quaint little place but the people are super nice and the men are gentlemen.  I once tweeted about this because places like this, frequented mostly by male clientele, are often a place that make my stomach knot up as I approach. Car washes, anywhere you can find a mechanic, car part stores, Lowes, Home Depot, Ace Hardware, you name it.  The reason being is because I hate being the object of men's lecherous stares. I don't consider myself ugly but I am also not that stuck on myself to think I am every man's dream either.  I am attractive enough to get more attention than I like however at times.  I've often had men stare and often follow me in stores like Lowes or even Walmart.  It's scary. It's often not that flattering because it's more of a scary situation.  With all you hear on the news of women being abducted and killed it's enough to make you want to get a permit to carry a concealed and loaded gun.

But I digress, Tire Barn is great.  Nice waiting area with antiques to look at, vending machines, and OMG... clean restrooms for men and for women.  They keep magazines like Vogue, Country Living etc. for the female clientele to read.  The best part is the guys who work here don't stare at you like you are a tender beef cutlet to be drooled over or stare lecherously.  The customers may at times but they don't work there so going there feels like a safe haven.  The guys who return your keys and ring you up explain what they did and why and explain it in a way that you (females) can understand.  I appreciate that and from working in IT, I can relate to how to speak to people so they CAN understand you.