I'm not going to list all the hilarious things my son says here but he's said and done some really funny things. I once posted on Facebook what my son said when he was eating some chocolate. He loves chocolate but it has to be certain types. It used to be he loved hershey kisses and bars but something changed and the taste is no longer as appealing as Reese's mini cups. Anyways, at the time he was enjoying his chocolate kisses and even had his eyes closed as he savored the chocolate. Now I can't quite recall what he said before he opened his eyes but I can't forget what he said when he did, he looked at me sideways and asked me in a slightly whispered urgent tone, "What are you doing in my chocolate kingdom?" It was the funniest thing ever. He always hates when I laugh at what he says though as if he is completely serious and it's not laughing matter.
The other day we were watching an action packed movie, The Bourne Supremacy. There was a scene when they were being attacked that later led to a kissing scene (nothing inappropriate really - at least I don't think it was). When they were kissing my son turned to me and asked, "They aren't going to get attacked now are they?" To which I casually just said "No." since I'd already seen the movie before. He then said, "Good because that would totally ruin the moment." He says really funny things like that, that don't seem like something a kid would say but are so appropriate to the moment.
That is one reason why I never understood echolalia. Because they make it sound like it's a random repetition of something that does not suit the situation. But my son has actually and often does use phrases from movies that suit the conversation to some degree. However there are a few that don't or don't seem to make sense to me. For instance, one time I was telling my son something I was going to do or was asking him his opinion and he turned to me, mocking a cartoon character's deep throaty voice and said, "I only have one thing to say to that, and that is 'whatever floats your boat!' - He also called me a character's name but I can't remember it now.
It's not an everyday thing though. It is often when he's in his best and most playful moods that he does this which leads me to believe it's his way of expressing he's feeling good, feeling playful and at ease. It's these times that I know his personality is shining through. I don't think he'd be the same little person if he weren't autistic or have Aspergers. Maybe he would but I would not know him the way I do now, that's for sure.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Who does this?
I was reading this funny post on Elephant Journal about keeping track of your menstrual cycle. I have tried this before but it just never works for me. I've tried other things like counting calories, carbs and diet related journaling but I end up frustrated with how time consuming it is. I am better at just tracking expenses on my checkbook because I am motivated by not overspending.
But tracking my menstrual cycle is the least of the others that I ever made an effort to keep track of. There are even phone apps for this. :-/ However, it would probably have helped me plan ahead for when to plan outings with my son. Now that he's 10 years old he will be more comfortable using his own bathroom stall in public restrooms. I still let him go to the ladies room with me because I will not take chances sending him to the men's restroom where he might be prey to a pedophile. Yes I am that paranoid. So.
When he was much smaller and he'd go in the same stall with me, explaining my period was a challenge. It's not like he would just turn around and give me my privacy. He'd have to check everything out. If he heard the wrapper of a pad or tampon he had to see what I was doing. I'd already be so uncomfortable about the noise giving it away but then my son would have to loudly ask, why are you putting that there. Lord! This may be TMI (too much information) but if you're a mom of a young child, boy or girl, explaining these things can be a challenge. The cutest thing he said when he noted we were different (down there) and finally I guess in his young child logic assumed it was like a belly button ... he said he had an outie and I had an innie. LOL
Anyways, I used to call pads, mommy diapers but when my son did finally see a used one he was alarmed by the sight. So I had explain the process of how babies grow not how they are conceived. I think he still does not understand that or knows fully how that happens. At least the mom side of me that hopes he's still that innocent thinks he does not know. There's also the mom side of me that creeps in thinking, ohhh some older brother of a friend of his has probably told him something he's not ready to hear.
How have you handled these scenarios? I think it's funny at times but also frustrating because privacy is hard to get with small children around.
But tracking my menstrual cycle is the least of the others that I ever made an effort to keep track of. There are even phone apps for this. :-/ However, it would probably have helped me plan ahead for when to plan outings with my son. Now that he's 10 years old he will be more comfortable using his own bathroom stall in public restrooms. I still let him go to the ladies room with me because I will not take chances sending him to the men's restroom where he might be prey to a pedophile. Yes I am that paranoid. So.
When he was much smaller and he'd go in the same stall with me, explaining my period was a challenge. It's not like he would just turn around and give me my privacy. He'd have to check everything out. If he heard the wrapper of a pad or tampon he had to see what I was doing. I'd already be so uncomfortable about the noise giving it away but then my son would have to loudly ask, why are you putting that there. Lord! This may be TMI (too much information) but if you're a mom of a young child, boy or girl, explaining these things can be a challenge. The cutest thing he said when he noted we were different (down there) and finally I guess in his young child logic assumed it was like a belly button ... he said he had an outie and I had an innie. LOL
Anyways, I used to call pads, mommy diapers but when my son did finally see a used one he was alarmed by the sight. So I had explain the process of how babies grow not how they are conceived. I think he still does not understand that or knows fully how that happens. At least the mom side of me that hopes he's still that innocent thinks he does not know. There's also the mom side of me that creeps in thinking, ohhh some older brother of a friend of his has probably told him something he's not ready to hear.
How have you handled these scenarios? I think it's funny at times but also frustrating because privacy is hard to get with small children around.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Life is a test...
Life is a test? I read this in the inspiring book titled "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." I really think that humorous - "Life is a test, it is only test, had this been real life you would have been instructed on where to go and what do." - phrase really does not do justice to what life is. Life is the real deal. You get no dress rehearsal, no dry run, no chances to get it right ... it just happens. You are born and get started, absorbing, taking it all in, learning, ... which I think to some extent, childhood is your chance to learn as much as possible about being an adult and everything else.
Children witness so much and they take in things about their parents and other adults around them. Thinking of this makes me wonder how my son perceives his life and his parents. I have chosen to stay single and commit my energy to my son and our needs. Whether he understands that is another issue. On the other hand, my ex has moved on and started dating after his third divorce (I was his 2nd wife). I don't know if I should say he's brave or stupid. But I do know this... others are observing and they have their own opinions. My ex-MIL said this recently when we were discussing it... "it's as if he's afraid of himself." Is it possible that some people can't be alone. They need another person because the world on their own is just too much?
Is it also possible that some of us know nothing about being with others or can't seem to really find a way to make it work. When I was with my ex, I felt I lost my identity. I felt like I was absorbed into his world and lost all dimensions that made me, "me". I think this has to do a lot with how I grew up. My parent's relationship in many ways really affected how I viewed marriage. I had always told myself I would never get married because it just meant the horror of constant fighting. So when I got married, I felt not only like I went against what I vowed not to do but I also realized I would need to make it work. I did everything I could to make it work. I avoided fighting by giving in to stuff I did not want to do or had no interest in doing just to not put ripples in the pond, so to speak. But as time progressed I could not find myself in those layers of complacency and compromise. Even now I am not sure who possessed me at the time and what I was thinking. Maybe love is blind but I think it's also wanting so much to be with someone that makes you sell yourself short.
When I find myself wanting something or someone, I have to question how happy I'd be with that decision in the long term because some things just don't work for me and I know me better than anyone else.
That is what I want to impart to my son. If anything, it is for him to know himself and ,as cliche as it may seem or Shakespearean, for him to Be True to Himself. Because life is not a dress rehearsal, a test or experiment. It's your time to shine and live it how you want, be it good bad or in between. I may not agree with his choices but I hope he lives how he chooses and not tosacrifice his needs for someone else, unless he's happy to do that for someone else.
Children witness so much and they take in things about their parents and other adults around them. Thinking of this makes me wonder how my son perceives his life and his parents. I have chosen to stay single and commit my energy to my son and our needs. Whether he understands that is another issue. On the other hand, my ex has moved on and started dating after his third divorce (I was his 2nd wife). I don't know if I should say he's brave or stupid. But I do know this... others are observing and they have their own opinions. My ex-MIL said this recently when we were discussing it... "it's as if he's afraid of himself." Is it possible that some people can't be alone. They need another person because the world on their own is just too much?
Is it also possible that some of us know nothing about being with others or can't seem to really find a way to make it work. When I was with my ex, I felt I lost my identity. I felt like I was absorbed into his world and lost all dimensions that made me, "me". I think this has to do a lot with how I grew up. My parent's relationship in many ways really affected how I viewed marriage. I had always told myself I would never get married because it just meant the horror of constant fighting. So when I got married, I felt not only like I went against what I vowed not to do but I also realized I would need to make it work. I did everything I could to make it work. I avoided fighting by giving in to stuff I did not want to do or had no interest in doing just to not put ripples in the pond, so to speak. But as time progressed I could not find myself in those layers of complacency and compromise. Even now I am not sure who possessed me at the time and what I was thinking. Maybe love is blind but I think it's also wanting so much to be with someone that makes you sell yourself short.
When I find myself wanting something or someone, I have to question how happy I'd be with that decision in the long term because some things just don't work for me and I know me better than anyone else.
That is what I want to impart to my son. If anything, it is for him to know himself and ,as cliche as it may seem or Shakespearean, for him to Be True to Himself. Because life is not a dress rehearsal, a test or experiment. It's your time to shine and live it how you want, be it good bad or in between. I may not agree with his choices but I hope he lives how he chooses and not tosacrifice his needs for someone else, unless he's happy to do that for someone else.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Every day a learning experience...
It's been a few days since I posted and a few days since my son's first sleep over at my condo. It was not the hardest thing I've ever done nor the easiest but I'm not a huge fan of having people over for several reasons. I don't like having people especially nosy ones in my home. I've had past experience (ex-MIL) with the type of people that assume because they know you that they can tell you what to do with your home or go through my things.
Things I've learned about my son:
My son ...
I came to these conclusions because after looking under the toilet seat I was disgusted. I knew my son did not urinate so sloppily. I had to wipe down the toilet seat and rim thoroughly after just one night of having another boy child in my home. My son is very clean in the bathroom. Probably because I fussed at him a lot about being messy. After he stayed up to pick up the toys in the living room regardless of his friend going to sleep I knew he really listened to me. My son's friend is a bit pushy and demanding. My son seems to handle that well and had no meltdowns around him while with me, though my ex-MIL reports that when they stay at her house my son has actually hit his friend when he upsets him. I don't like that he hits but it also shows he won't sit back and take anyone's treatment. By watching him this weekend, I see he shows great restraint when his friend irritates him so I know when he does hit it's when he's pushed to a point. My son does not have much issues with his friends getting into his toys as long as it's not a toy he does not want to play with, such as a toy it took him a while to build. My son dealt with the change of pace at my place well considering that he could not have his usual bedtime routine and there was a thunderstorm going on while he stayed up to clean up the living room.
Things I learned or knew about myself that cropped up strongly:
I...
In general I knew these things about myself but I am reminded of how strongly I feel them when my space feels invaded. For my son I want to be able to be more tolerant because otherwise I would isolate him from having his friends around our home. Since I deal with mostly adults I don't deal with very pushy ill mannered persons and most respect my space and privacy. Children do not always conform to these social norms, let alone kids with autism.
Things I found annoying about the sleep over included the lack of space I have to host this in a small 2 bedroom condo. Behaviors that I did not like included the constant asking for things. I was brought up to not be pushy and demanding especially not in my own home. A few people mentioned that the constant need to eat was a comfort thing and to some extent I agree with that. I can see where this would be a likely cause.
I did not like however that when we did go to the store to get them a snack of their choice he also asked for more than I offered, that he requested we go to McDonald's again the next day when we were headed to my ex-MILs house (I said no, because we can't afford to eat out everyday) and although my ex-MIL ordered pizza that night, the very next day he asked her to wake up her husband so he could go get them McDonald's and though she has a house full of snacks, none she had were what he wanted.
Regardless of autism, this is hard for me to accept as a trait of being autistic - mostly because my son is not like that and has been told that this type of behavior is unacceptable and he's committed that to memory. It's possible that my son being more timid makes him less likely to be demanding but I really think that some things are what your parents teach you regardless of what your nature is. I also would have expected the parent to offer to bring snacks the child likes as not to impose on the parents hosting the sleep over. These are things I would do. I would send my son with snacks or food of his liking, because I know my son would never eat what others offered but I'd also tell the hosting parent so they'd be expecting him to only eat the snacks/food he has with him and secondly I'd send him with some cash in case they went out and he wanted something to drink, eat or what have you.
Things I've learned about my son:
My son ...
- is much cleaner than I thought
- really listens to me
- tolerates others better than I do
- has less control issues than I do (good thing)
- can adapt regardless of what we think
I came to these conclusions because after looking under the toilet seat I was disgusted. I knew my son did not urinate so sloppily. I had to wipe down the toilet seat and rim thoroughly after just one night of having another boy child in my home. My son is very clean in the bathroom. Probably because I fussed at him a lot about being messy. After he stayed up to pick up the toys in the living room regardless of his friend going to sleep I knew he really listened to me. My son's friend is a bit pushy and demanding. My son seems to handle that well and had no meltdowns around him while with me, though my ex-MIL reports that when they stay at her house my son has actually hit his friend when he upsets him. I don't like that he hits but it also shows he won't sit back and take anyone's treatment. By watching him this weekend, I see he shows great restraint when his friend irritates him so I know when he does hit it's when he's pushed to a point. My son does not have much issues with his friends getting into his toys as long as it's not a toy he does not want to play with, such as a toy it took him a while to build. My son dealt with the change of pace at my place well considering that he could not have his usual bedtime routine and there was a thunderstorm going on while he stayed up to clean up the living room.
Things I learned or knew about myself that cropped up strongly:
I...
- have control issues
- don't like people in my home
- need to just let it go sometimes
- don't like pushy demanding people
- would not enjoy having more kids (glad I decided one was enough)
- can be very critical about other people's behavior
In general I knew these things about myself but I am reminded of how strongly I feel them when my space feels invaded. For my son I want to be able to be more tolerant because otherwise I would isolate him from having his friends around our home. Since I deal with mostly adults I don't deal with very pushy ill mannered persons and most respect my space and privacy. Children do not always conform to these social norms, let alone kids with autism.
Things I found annoying about the sleep over included the lack of space I have to host this in a small 2 bedroom condo. Behaviors that I did not like included the constant asking for things. I was brought up to not be pushy and demanding especially not in my own home. A few people mentioned that the constant need to eat was a comfort thing and to some extent I agree with that. I can see where this would be a likely cause.
I did not like however that when we did go to the store to get them a snack of their choice he also asked for more than I offered, that he requested we go to McDonald's again the next day when we were headed to my ex-MILs house (I said no, because we can't afford to eat out everyday) and although my ex-MIL ordered pizza that night, the very next day he asked her to wake up her husband so he could go get them McDonald's and though she has a house full of snacks, none she had were what he wanted.
Regardless of autism, this is hard for me to accept as a trait of being autistic - mostly because my son is not like that and has been told that this type of behavior is unacceptable and he's committed that to memory. It's possible that my son being more timid makes him less likely to be demanding but I really think that some things are what your parents teach you regardless of what your nature is. I also would have expected the parent to offer to bring snacks the child likes as not to impose on the parents hosting the sleep over. These are things I would do. I would send my son with snacks or food of his liking, because I know my son would never eat what others offered but I'd also tell the hosting parent so they'd be expecting him to only eat the snacks/food he has with him and secondly I'd send him with some cash in case they went out and he wanted something to drink, eat or what have you.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Let Go but don't Relinquish
If you read yesterday's post you can probably tell, I am a bit of a control freak. Tip of the week for me is: Let Go. But not relinquishing control completely. I need to learn to chill a bit about things I cannot control.
I have had chest pain since knowing for sure I was keeping another child in my home. I think it was partly anxiety and partly exercise soreness from so many downward dogs doing yoga this week.
I have somewhat relinquished the living room to a lego jungle that my son and his friend created so they (both have aspergers) can just have at it. Yesterday however, I set some ground rules: careful with furniture, drinks on coasters, no toys on furniture, don't eat all the snacks in one sitting, use napkins, dishes in sink, video gaming ends by 10 - I caved and let them go to 11 but my son minded me and they were moving to non-video games probably before 11.
When I came out of my bedroom near 1AM his buddy was asleep on the couch and my son was up. He did admit his buddy fell asleep before helping clean up the living room. But he was a good boy and cleaned up the living room so I helped him clean up his room. I did tell him that I did not like that his friend did not stay up to clean up but they are kids after all. Yet they need to learn, you clean up after yourself and help others when you contributed to the mess.
The storm woke me so I was fearful that the two were cowering on the couch freaking out. Come to find my son was afraid but cleaned up and then he crawled into bed with me while his friend snored on the couch.
They may be spending the night at my ex-MIL's house. She keeps lots of snacks (junk food) so his buddy will be in hog heaven, no pun intended. Plus my son has piles and piles of sickening amounts of legos and other toys at her house. The kid lacks in no form of entertainment anywhere he goes. This is precisely why when I hear the words "I am bored", that I want to pull his ears and wonder where the gratitude is.
I have had chest pain since knowing for sure I was keeping another child in my home. I think it was partly anxiety and partly exercise soreness from so many downward dogs doing yoga this week.
I have somewhat relinquished the living room to a lego jungle that my son and his friend created so they (both have aspergers) can just have at it. Yesterday however, I set some ground rules: careful with furniture, drinks on coasters, no toys on furniture, don't eat all the snacks in one sitting, use napkins, dishes in sink, video gaming ends by 10 - I caved and let them go to 11 but my son minded me and they were moving to non-video games probably before 11.
When I came out of my bedroom near 1AM his buddy was asleep on the couch and my son was up. He did admit his buddy fell asleep before helping clean up the living room. But he was a good boy and cleaned up the living room so I helped him clean up his room. I did tell him that I did not like that his friend did not stay up to clean up but they are kids after all. Yet they need to learn, you clean up after yourself and help others when you contributed to the mess.
The storm woke me so I was fearful that the two were cowering on the couch freaking out. Come to find my son was afraid but cleaned up and then he crawled into bed with me while his friend snored on the couch.
They may be spending the night at my ex-MIL's house. She keeps lots of snacks (junk food) so his buddy will be in hog heaven, no pun intended. Plus my son has piles and piles of sickening amounts of legos and other toys at her house. The kid lacks in no form of entertainment anywhere he goes. This is precisely why when I hear the words "I am bored", that I want to pull his ears and wonder where the gratitude is.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Sleep Over
My son is having a sleep over. His first sleep over at my house. He's had sleep overs at his grandmothers and they work out great because she's got more room for them to make noise and run around.
I had to lay down some house rules. Cups on coasters, clean up toys when starting a new activity and most playing goes on his bedroom. I have a two bedroom condo, it's very small and noise travels from room to room so I also have to set some bedtime rules. Gaming needs to end by 10pm and they need to limit playing to his room after that and hit the sack by midnight at least.
I took my son and his friend to McDonald's to eat and boy can this kid eat. He had two cheeseburgers, a strawberry banana smoothie, large fries, and a free pie since he supersized his meal and then got a huge coke. My son only had half his plain double hamburger and fries and half his drink. For an Aspie his friend has little to no food texture aversions or sensory issues with food compared to my son. The pie would have been to lumpy and slimy for my son. I don't enjoy many pies for that very reason. I hate lumpy food and anything too gooey or slimy.
One thing I am a bit put off with is his asking for food now that we are at my house. It's one thing to be hungry but we ate at around 4pm and he had a huge meal. I guess I am picky but I would probably pack some of my son's favorite things to send with him if he slept over anywhere or was to stay anywhere for an extended period of time. My son would probably not eat anything they offered otherwise. I offered his friend cheez-its but he wanted chips or hotdogs. I was like whoa, we're not just gonna sit around and snack. Hopefully the rest of the night won't be a food fest request. After such a large meal at McDonald's I would think a light meal will do for them sometime soon. I would think my son could do with a meal since he ate half his meal but even he won't ask for much when the time comes.
Anyways, I don't think I am being difficult am I? I just think sometimes people don't really impress upon there kids to mind their manners. I don't think being autistic should be a reason to be pushy or demanding. My son always asks first if he can do something even in our own home.
For the most part I am okay with the sleep over but I really wish I had a game room where they could hang where I would not feel like all my space is taken up.
They found some sparklers they want to use later so that will be a good way to get them outside when it cools down some. I am going to take them to the grocery store and let them pick out a soft drink and snack of their choice for the rest of the weekend. But big boy needs to ration it so he does not run out. I am not Bank of C... LOL ... keeping other people's kids is not cheap.
I had to lay down some house rules. Cups on coasters, clean up toys when starting a new activity and most playing goes on his bedroom. I have a two bedroom condo, it's very small and noise travels from room to room so I also have to set some bedtime rules. Gaming needs to end by 10pm and they need to limit playing to his room after that and hit the sack by midnight at least.
I took my son and his friend to McDonald's to eat and boy can this kid eat. He had two cheeseburgers, a strawberry banana smoothie, large fries, and a free pie since he supersized his meal and then got a huge coke. My son only had half his plain double hamburger and fries and half his drink. For an Aspie his friend has little to no food texture aversions or sensory issues with food compared to my son. The pie would have been to lumpy and slimy for my son. I don't enjoy many pies for that very reason. I hate lumpy food and anything too gooey or slimy.
One thing I am a bit put off with is his asking for food now that we are at my house. It's one thing to be hungry but we ate at around 4pm and he had a huge meal. I guess I am picky but I would probably pack some of my son's favorite things to send with him if he slept over anywhere or was to stay anywhere for an extended period of time. My son would probably not eat anything they offered otherwise. I offered his friend cheez-its but he wanted chips or hotdogs. I was like whoa, we're not just gonna sit around and snack. Hopefully the rest of the night won't be a food fest request. After such a large meal at McDonald's I would think a light meal will do for them sometime soon. I would think my son could do with a meal since he ate half his meal but even he won't ask for much when the time comes.
Anyways, I don't think I am being difficult am I? I just think sometimes people don't really impress upon there kids to mind their manners. I don't think being autistic should be a reason to be pushy or demanding. My son always asks first if he can do something even in our own home.
For the most part I am okay with the sleep over but I really wish I had a game room where they could hang where I would not feel like all my space is taken up.
They found some sparklers they want to use later so that will be a good way to get them outside when it cools down some. I am going to take them to the grocery store and let them pick out a soft drink and snack of their choice for the rest of the weekend. But big boy needs to ration it so he does not run out. I am not Bank of C... LOL ... keeping other people's kids is not cheap.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Decisions
When I showed the mobile home locations and presented the option to move to my son, I asked him a lot of questions. He answered most and liked the lake view location most. That location has the least space of all 3 mobile homes at this place though so we'd have to down size a good bit on belongings and it has limited closets and storage.
I was really impressed as we drove home when my son said we should create a T diagram to list all the good and bad things about moving. It was adorable and all at once so grown up of him. At 10 years of age he's got a lot of good ideas and his scope of understanding sometimes blindsides me.
Although we never got around to doing the T diagram or cross T diagram to point out the pros and cons of possibly moving, I have made the decision not to move. I like where I am and I have added storage here. However, it's not everything I want but neither are the places I looked at. They are too small and ultimately lack a lot of things I want in a permanent home. I looked at 3 mobile homes and each had a lot of what I want but lack more than what I need.
When my ex knew I was looking at places he offered to sell me a mobile home he got himself into about 6 months ago. It's not a terrible place but needs too much work and it's got wood paneling all over on the interior making it too dark for me. I don't thrive in dark rooms. I need light. Upon setting foot in his place, I was reminded of how messy he is. The place was cluttered with things all over the floor, unmade beds, car parts, blankets, and hampers in plain sight.
We talked briefly and I let him know it was just not going to do for me and the whole mobile home things was probably not going to work for me. The plus side of the mobile home park he's in is that it is gated, his place is right across from the community center, it's much closer to my son's bus stop, and the assumed loan would be under $6000. It may seem like I am being picky but the low assumed loan would come with the possibility of lots more work to be done. Money I don't have.
In conversation I learned that his current divorce is still ongoing and that his wife is now dating and the boyfriend is harassing him by texting him and pretending he's his wife. My ex however is also dating again and that was what started the texts because the wife suddenly wants back in the picture but I think she just wants back in because he appears to be moving on. Why do women do that?
Anyways, I realize I am better off where I am and that I have provided the best environment for my son that I can while avoiding further complicating my life with crazy relationships that could hurt him. Unlike my ex but to his credit I think trouble finds him no matter what he does and also because of poor choices.
Maybe I will still work on the cross T diagram with my son, it will be a lesson for him in making choices, weighing alternatives and not jumping into things without thinking.
I was really impressed as we drove home when my son said we should create a T diagram to list all the good and bad things about moving. It was adorable and all at once so grown up of him. At 10 years of age he's got a lot of good ideas and his scope of understanding sometimes blindsides me.
Although we never got around to doing the T diagram or cross T diagram to point out the pros and cons of possibly moving, I have made the decision not to move. I like where I am and I have added storage here. However, it's not everything I want but neither are the places I looked at. They are too small and ultimately lack a lot of things I want in a permanent home. I looked at 3 mobile homes and each had a lot of what I want but lack more than what I need.
When my ex knew I was looking at places he offered to sell me a mobile home he got himself into about 6 months ago. It's not a terrible place but needs too much work and it's got wood paneling all over on the interior making it too dark for me. I don't thrive in dark rooms. I need light. Upon setting foot in his place, I was reminded of how messy he is. The place was cluttered with things all over the floor, unmade beds, car parts, blankets, and hampers in plain sight.
We talked briefly and I let him know it was just not going to do for me and the whole mobile home things was probably not going to work for me. The plus side of the mobile home park he's in is that it is gated, his place is right across from the community center, it's much closer to my son's bus stop, and the assumed loan would be under $6000. It may seem like I am being picky but the low assumed loan would come with the possibility of lots more work to be done. Money I don't have.
In conversation I learned that his current divorce is still ongoing and that his wife is now dating and the boyfriend is harassing him by texting him and pretending he's his wife. My ex however is also dating again and that was what started the texts because the wife suddenly wants back in the picture but I think she just wants back in because he appears to be moving on. Why do women do that?
Anyways, I realize I am better off where I am and that I have provided the best environment for my son that I can while avoiding further complicating my life with crazy relationships that could hurt him. Unlike my ex but to his credit I think trouble finds him no matter what he does and also because of poor choices.
Maybe I will still work on the cross T diagram with my son, it will be a lesson for him in making choices, weighing alternatives and not jumping into things without thinking.
Friday, June 03, 2011
The Pros / The Cons
Okay, I need the help of my fellow bloggers to gain some objectivity on what to think about when making a decision. I am presented with the ability to live near a local lake but the home is a single wide mobile home. I have always had a low opinion of any type of mobile / trailer home living. I guess it's a judgmental type thing because I associate mobile homes with low class trashy people. Not that I am so high class either but I guess it's a stupid stereotype and I need to look at this with a different perspective.
I have lived in a rental condo for many years and I can't afford to purchase anything with payments over $700 and don't want to pay more because I want to have money for other things other than just a place to live, like to retire or some non-essential activity like the movies or going out.
My worry is on all the possible pros and cons and the potential for being swayed by a lake view setting. The cost of the monthly payment would be as much as my rent. However, mobile homes depreciate in value and there is no potential to own land. However, many of the mobile home owners on the lot use their homes as summer, weekend and holiday breaks. Meaning most of the people living or owning a home there could be considered well established and not around much. Could be a plus but a negative too. Privacy but also opportunity for too much solitude. Not the best and safest situation for a single mom. However, management does criminal background checks on all tenants over 18.
My question is ... what is your opinion of that type of investment if it can even be called that because I'd never be able to sell it for more than what I spend on it but I can always rent it or keep it and use it as a summer place if I ever move elsewhere. Are there any hidden mobile home issues that I have not considered? It seems upkeep is much like a regular home, roofing, gutters, caulking and a/c filters and other misc. things. What am I missing and should I care that I might be called trailer trash at some point? I say that in good humor mostly because I don't care about that, I care more that I may be throwing money away and only earning the title of trailer trash.
Good things I can think of:
A lake view for me and my son.
A place to run and play for my son.
A nice porch to enjoy the view.
Good property management from what I can see.
Nice community
Bad things I can think of:
A bit further from where I work.
Busy area near lake during holidays
I have lived in a rental condo for many years and I can't afford to purchase anything with payments over $700 and don't want to pay more because I want to have money for other things other than just a place to live, like to retire or some non-essential activity like the movies or going out.
My question is ... what is your opinion of that type of investment if it can even be called that because I'd never be able to sell it for more than what I spend on it but I can always rent it or keep it and use it as a summer place if I ever move elsewhere. Are there any hidden mobile home issues that I have not considered? It seems upkeep is much like a regular home, roofing, gutters, caulking and a/c filters and other misc. things. What am I missing and should I care that I might be called trailer trash at some point? I say that in good humor mostly because I don't care about that, I care more that I may be throwing money away and only earning the title of trailer trash.
Good things I can think of:
A lake view for me and my son.
A place to run and play for my son.
A nice porch to enjoy the view.
Good property management from what I can see.
Nice community
Bad things I can think of:
A bit further from where I work.
Busy area near lake during holidays
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Time is flying…
I catch myself saying things I used to find annoying that adults said to me when I was in my early to late teens.
“Wow, you are so young!”, when someone tells me they are under 20.
“You have so much ahead of you.”, when I hear kids complain about how much they have to work to get the things they want.
The most recent that caught even me by surprise was when I was shopping at Best Buy. The girl that was ringing up my purchase told me she was 16. I not only uttered the first “wow, you are so young!” but I then added, “My son is 10. You are only 6 years older than him and that means he will be driving in 6 years.” The girl even said, “yeah, when you put it that way I do feel really young.”
That really made the room swish for me … you know that feeling like the ground/floor is somehow moving one way and you the other and your knees have turned to elastic in one quick move. That’s how I felt.
My son will be able to drive in fewer years than he’s been alive. Yikes. Time sure does fly when you’re wishing your baby would stay little forever. He always looks like such a big boy and then I see those sweet innocent eyes look at me and I think, “is he really going to become a rotten teenager soon?”
I dropped him off at his grandparents house to go to work this morning and I asked for a hug before I left as usual. He hugged me nice and tight. My next thought, seems morbid, but I thought of a co-worker who recently suffered a loss. The father of her third child died in a head on car accident two weeks ago and I guess I thought of that because you just never know when it’s your turn, so get those hugs while you can.
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