My son and I are onto new challenges. He spent the night at a friend's house for the first time last night. I was a bit worried since he is a picky eater and I was scared he'd have a massive meltdown or something and dart from his friend's house. I know his friend's mom and have been to their house. This friend in particular is also diagnosed with Asperger's as were the two other friends spending the night. Well one did not stay and I expected my son not to want to stay either but he did and I am actually glad he did because it's a good experience. He needs to learn to deal with new surroundings and other people.
This challenged me to let go and I know I can deal with my son growing up and becoming less dependent on me. It sounds like my son behaved and was cooperative and never had a melt down. I am impressed that this mom who hosted the sleep over birthday party could deal with 4 aspies plus her other two sons and friends of her two sons at her home. She is clearly a very busy lady. I can tell she has to neglect some other areas of her life to make her life work. I am lucky sometimes to have so much time to myself but I also know that having lots of family around can be rewarding too. My whole family is in California. Since I am divorced I only have my son here in Georgia and the ex-in-laws. Not too bad since they do help keep my son but it's not the most ideal situation for me at times.
At any rate, I took yesterday's free time to myself to run. I ran 5 miles in 1 hour and 6 minutes. Exhausting!! I am working on building my distance and endurance so I am running slower to continue to run longer. I never walked yesterday while running and I seldom stop to walk now unless I am running with my son but I did run on the treadmill which is relatively easier than running outdoors. I think I could have gotten to this distance sooner if I had just allowed myself to run slower. I need to embrace the quantity vs quality thinking when running. Running pace picks up with speed work workouts where you run a slow pace then pick up the pace for a half mile or longer and then back to a slower pace. I tend to let my pride get in the way. I want to run faster but that does not help build endurance. Running shorter faster runs doesn't build your endurance by itself. Long runs do. It's not easy but I like to challenge myself.
To the right are my running/fitness and weight loss widgets. I have made lots of progress by giving my self specific date dead lines to accomplish certain things and I can see that I stick to it when I practice being tough on myself when I make excuses for what I slack on doing. My running goals is to be running at least 7 miles with a better pace by this winter/spring. My weight loss goal is 60 lbs off by next July. It seems like a lot but I know where it's hiding. :)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
DailyMile
I am using DailyMile to post all my workouts. I have made some friends there who are into fitness and it helps me to stay motivated. My goal is to lose another 6 lbs by mid August. My long term goal is to shed at least 50 to 60 lbs. My goal date is mid July next year. May seem like a lot but it's really not and my motivation is based on the fact that as I age my body will have to carry this weight around... my joints will suffer and I don't want to be dependent on anything or person to help me get around. I want to be able to walk and/or run and be active well into my late 60's or longer. I can't imagine a day where I will have to use wheelchair or one of those annoying shopping carts that you drive that beep annoyingly.
I was finally able to run 5 miles on Friday. I did it at a slow pace but I did it and my run training is going well. Last night I ran 2 miles with my son. He did really well. He only took short breather and walk breaks. But he hung on and when I thought he needed breaks he'd say no let's keep going. He toughed it out. He's only 10 but I know this is a good for his health. He needs the cardio exercise.
My last appointment for a physical turned out great as all my vitals are in the normal range and I want it to stay that way. I also want my son to learn by example. I can't expect him to eat healthier and be active if I am not.
A buddy on Twitter @IssaMas and I are going to keep each other accountable on both our diet and exercise. I am glad I meet such great people online. Her blog is here.
I was finally able to run 5 miles on Friday. I did it at a slow pace but I did it and my run training is going well. Last night I ran 2 miles with my son. He did really well. He only took short breather and walk breaks. But he hung on and when I thought he needed breaks he'd say no let's keep going. He toughed it out. He's only 10 but I know this is a good for his health. He needs the cardio exercise.
My last appointment for a physical turned out great as all my vitals are in the normal range and I want it to stay that way. I also want my son to learn by example. I can't expect him to eat healthier and be active if I am not.
A buddy on Twitter @IssaMas and I are going to keep each other accountable on both our diet and exercise. I am glad I meet such great people online. Her blog is here.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
How kids learn...
I am reading the Disconnected Kids and Reconnected Kids books by Dr. Robert Melillo and I just wanted to quote what I found while reading Reconnected kids. On page 91, I'll quote what read below:
This is exactly what I want to prevent. The book I am reading is about kids with brain imbalances. A brain imbalance is specific to kids with autism or aspergers and other conditions. Although I am not an advocate for one size fits all treatment or therapies, I do agree with this area in the book. Regardless of parenting strategies sometimes just letting your child try on his own is the best thing for the child and their future.
Promoting Problem-Solving Skills
Problem-solving skills develop through trial and error. Children must be given the opportunity to try, fail, and then try again until they succeed.
Persistence is the key to developing good problem-solving abilities, but it can be stifled by overindulgent parents who never let their child struggle with anything. As a result, such children enter adolescence poorly equipped for the frustrations of life. Instead, these children master the skill of getting the parent to solve the problem for them. They throw a fit when something becomes too difficult and will usually quit and give up. After a while, these children become unmotivated and lazy and develop low self-esteem.
This is exactly what I want to prevent. The book I am reading is about kids with brain imbalances. A brain imbalance is specific to kids with autism or aspergers and other conditions. Although I am not an advocate for one size fits all treatment or therapies, I do agree with this area in the book. Regardless of parenting strategies sometimes just letting your child try on his own is the best thing for the child and their future.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Parenting
This article on Autism Support Network sums up how I feel about my son. I love who he is and how he is. Just like the author I have days when I wish my son would or could participate in activities other kids try. My son refuses at times to even wear pants or shorts with buttons, let alone try a new food or activity. But without the autism as the author states, there would be a different child standing before me. I don't know that child and I love the one I've come to know for 10 years.
I know my son will change and adapt to new things in his own time and that's scary too but I can only do so much to guide him and help him navigate his way to being a young man and then let go to let learn to independently problem solve and ask help when he really needs it.
I think parents at times smother their kids with direction making their kids unable to face any decision making on their own when the time comes. I don't want my son to face a choice and wait for me to tell him what to do. I want him to problem solve, analyze, pare down the pros and cons and take some chances. I hate for him to mess up but we do learn much by failing and we learn a lot more when we have to fend for ourselves that much more.
But what's more important is accepting the things that my son can and cannot do. I think that parents sometimes not only set impossible expectations but also want their kids to do the things they never did or could not do. When a child can't live up to your demands sometimes they learn to hate themselves because they can't please you and then turn that hate onto themselves for feeling inadequate.
One of the goals my son has this summer is to read 4 books that meet the grade level requirement for his age. Thus far, he's gotten more than half way through 1 and I feel like I am doing a crappy job at making him read but he's like his dad, he does not enjoy reading. In turn, I feel like a jerk for laying down the law. How do you get your kid to read without making them feel like it's something you are enforcing? I've explained is a school requirement but he's not interested in reading in the least and I don't want to push him until he resents me.
I know my son will change and adapt to new things in his own time and that's scary too but I can only do so much to guide him and help him navigate his way to being a young man and then let go to let learn to independently problem solve and ask help when he really needs it.
I think parents at times smother their kids with direction making their kids unable to face any decision making on their own when the time comes. I don't want my son to face a choice and wait for me to tell him what to do. I want him to problem solve, analyze, pare down the pros and cons and take some chances. I hate for him to mess up but we do learn much by failing and we learn a lot more when we have to fend for ourselves that much more.
But what's more important is accepting the things that my son can and cannot do. I think that parents sometimes not only set impossible expectations but also want their kids to do the things they never did or could not do. When a child can't live up to your demands sometimes they learn to hate themselves because they can't please you and then turn that hate onto themselves for feeling inadequate.
One of the goals my son has this summer is to read 4 books that meet the grade level requirement for his age. Thus far, he's gotten more than half way through 1 and I feel like I am doing a crappy job at making him read but he's like his dad, he does not enjoy reading. In turn, I feel like a jerk for laying down the law. How do you get your kid to read without making them feel like it's something you are enforcing? I've explained is a school requirement but he's not interested in reading in the least and I don't want to push him until he resents me.
Saturday, July 09, 2011
It's in the eyes...
My son and I were talking before bed the other night and I guess I must have opened my eyes wider as I expressed myself in conversation. He asked me, "Why do you open your eyes like that, so wide. It's creepy."
It's funny how I forget his challenges with reading facial expressions and how he experiences them. I take for granted that his understanding of what little things like raising an eyebrow or opening my eyes wider in expression is not straight forward to him. However he does do these things himself when he speaks but maybe he is oblivious to it. I know he lacks a lot of voice inflection because he tends to speak in monotone but at times he can be so funny when he uses his hands a lot in conversation. He looks like a small adult.
I need to pay attention to his way of expressing things when we talk. I have grown so accustomed to his mannerisms that I tend to neglect noting differences in his communication style as he grows older and what still does not sink in with him regarding face to face communication from me and others.
These are areas that I worry if I don't help with that they will cause him to face bigger obstacles later. I wish I could get him to try occupational therapy again but after his traumatic experience a few years ago he refused to go back and I think it would be hard to even bring it up. I'll have to invest a blog post just on discussing that one day.
The value of seeing what a person is saying without speaking especially through eye contact and expression in the eyes is crucial. It's almost a sort of like flying blind without it.
It's funny how I forget his challenges with reading facial expressions and how he experiences them. I take for granted that his understanding of what little things like raising an eyebrow or opening my eyes wider in expression is not straight forward to him. However he does do these things himself when he speaks but maybe he is oblivious to it. I know he lacks a lot of voice inflection because he tends to speak in monotone but at times he can be so funny when he uses his hands a lot in conversation. He looks like a small adult.
I need to pay attention to his way of expressing things when we talk. I have grown so accustomed to his mannerisms that I tend to neglect noting differences in his communication style as he grows older and what still does not sink in with him regarding face to face communication from me and others.
The value of seeing what a person is saying without speaking especially through eye contact and expression in the eyes is crucial. It's almost a sort of like flying blind without it.
Thursday, July 07, 2011
Health & Wellness
So this week has a been a full on health and wellness week with doctor appointments all week. I've had appointments Tues, Wed and today. They were all preventative visits though so it was good. The best part was my employer's new medical insurance does not require copays for preventative visits. Awesome.
Tuesday I had the dreaded gynecologist appointment, yesterday a physical at a new doctor's office and today the mammogram. TMI? I don't think so. How many women talk openly about their health and what they are doing to take control of their health. Not many... Why is it such a taboo topic to speak about female health? It's not like I'm showing you what they did or even describing it.
I am working very hard this year to improve a lot of my eating habits as well as continuing to increase my resistance or weight training. Women lose more bone and muscle density after the age of 35 than they realize and working out it one of the best ways to prevent injuries in old age. If you have lost muscle mass and bone density, guess what? If you fall, you'll be like humpty dumpty all broken up and it will be hard to put you back together again. For one, osteoporosis is going to make it hard for bones to heal and two, your lack of muscle mass will make it even harder to recover from the injury because you won't be strong enough.
So get started thinking about your health because there is no point in making plans for the future if you are going to decrease it by being overweight, out of shape and in physical disrepair at an early age. It's also the most unselfish thing you can do. If you are in shape your kids won't have to take care of you when they are starting their own families. The financial burden that you alleviate off of them is the best thing you can do. People never think about how their own health affects everyone else too.
Tuesday I had the dreaded gynecologist appointment, yesterday a physical at a new doctor's office and today the mammogram. TMI? I don't think so. How many women talk openly about their health and what they are doing to take control of their health. Not many... Why is it such a taboo topic to speak about female health? It's not like I'm showing you what they did or even describing it.
So get started thinking about your health because there is no point in making plans for the future if you are going to decrease it by being overweight, out of shape and in physical disrepair at an early age. It's also the most unselfish thing you can do. If you are in shape your kids won't have to take care of you when they are starting their own families. The financial burden that you alleviate off of them is the best thing you can do. People never think about how their own health affects everyone else too.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Blogging Break
I took a blogging break for several reasons. The foremost reason was that I just did not have much to say. The rest of the reasons added to the need to just keep to myself. You know those feelings that bubble up in your writing even when you try to supress them, I just did not want that to be the energy here.
My son is with his dad this weekend. The tail end of my week brought me bad news in the form of financial obstacles I still face from when I was married. Unfortunately, I cannot qualify for any kind of loan to purchase a home because of a bad decision I let myself be talked into by my ex before we divorced. Instead of selling the home we had at the time we did a quit claim deed arrangement with some bonehead who swore he would refinance the home under his name after three years. I was sure it was a some scam but I was tired of the fights and long story short now I am stuck. I still can't move forward with anything until I hire an attorney to help me find this idiot and have him refinance. Unfortunately my dumb ass ex sold the property he used as collateral on that contract and also lost the only copy of that agreement we had and none of the lawyers that wrote it up seem to have any copies either. So yeah it sucks and even after 7 years I am stuck joined to this idiot by a home I can't even live in.
But I am not going to let that ruin everything ... at least I have a nice condo to live in even if I just rent. After watching some home improvement shows I am consoled to have been lucky not to have bought a home with thousands of problems that requires thousands of dollars be sunk into it and have to pay for it myself. If anything breaks here, even the dishwasher, the landlord has to fix it. I don't have home owner association fees and my neighbors are pretty decent people.
Maybe one day I will no longer be stuck like this financially.
For now I am just going to focus on my son and building up my running distance by continuing to work out and strengthen my body. What's the point in wanting anything if I won't be healthy and happy enough to enjoy it, right?
My son is with his dad this weekend. The tail end of my week brought me bad news in the form of financial obstacles I still face from when I was married. Unfortunately, I cannot qualify for any kind of loan to purchase a home because of a bad decision I let myself be talked into by my ex before we divorced. Instead of selling the home we had at the time we did a quit claim deed arrangement with some bonehead who swore he would refinance the home under his name after three years. I was sure it was a some scam but I was tired of the fights and long story short now I am stuck. I still can't move forward with anything until I hire an attorney to help me find this idiot and have him refinance. Unfortunately my dumb ass ex sold the property he used as collateral on that contract and also lost the only copy of that agreement we had and none of the lawyers that wrote it up seem to have any copies either. So yeah it sucks and even after 7 years I am stuck joined to this idiot by a home I can't even live in.
But I am not going to let that ruin everything ... at least I have a nice condo to live in even if I just rent. After watching some home improvement shows I am consoled to have been lucky not to have bought a home with thousands of problems that requires thousands of dollars be sunk into it and have to pay for it myself. If anything breaks here, even the dishwasher, the landlord has to fix it. I don't have home owner association fees and my neighbors are pretty decent people.
Maybe one day I will no longer be stuck like this financially.
For now I am just going to focus on my son and building up my running distance by continuing to work out and strengthen my body. What's the point in wanting anything if I won't be healthy and happy enough to enjoy it, right?
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